


Sick Little Games

by fallingintoplace



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Cancer, Cutting, Depression, Dubious Consent, Eating Disorders, Extremely Dubious Consent, High School, I'm not quite sure yet, Leukemia, M/M, Self-Harm, not really - Freeform, possible peterick, sorry - Freeform, this is gonna be really sad, we'll see
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-08
Updated: 2017-09-06
Packaged: 2018-06-07 05:04:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 17
Words: 25,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6786400
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fallingintoplace/pseuds/fallingintoplace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mikey has cancer, but they're all sick, too.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Face Down

**Author's Note:**

  * For [DeadMilitia](https://archiveofourown.org/users/DeadMilitia/gifts), [saratza](https://archiveofourown.org/users/saratza/gifts).



> Hey! My first real Frerard! I'm excited. Welcome to this wild ride. Enjoy!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yo welcome to this mess of a fic! Trigger warnings should be at the beginning of each chapter, if they aren't please tell me. I want to keep everyone safe.  
> So trigger warnings include abuse, eating disorderish bullying, non-con/dub-con sex, alcohol and self harm. Stay safe my dudes and enjoy the story!

            Gerard’s POV

I stood in the hospital waiting room, pacing back and forth, clutching a cooled cup of nasty coffee that had been left in the pot too long. I was worried out of his mind, and the caffeine, though it was helping me stay awake, wasn’t helping my nerves. Good lord, I was so worried and I felt like he was going to throw up or start to panic or…

“Donna Way?” a voice called out. My body almost crumpled with relief, and my mother and me headed past the desk into one of the rooms in the hospital. “We ran some tests, and it appears like your son has leukemia.” Mom started crying, and I stood there, frozen, my brain incapable of working, and oh my god, what was going to happen? We couldn’t afford cancer treatments and that was the least of the worries. How was mom going to deal with this? “I’m very sorry, Mrs. Way. If you would sit down, we can start making a treatment plan for Mikey.”

Earlier that night, Mikey had collapsed on his way downstairs. He was burning up, and just wouldn’t wake up. Mom had panicked and called 911, which ended up being a good idea, but I couldn’t wrap his mind around it. My kid brother had cancer? He was going to die, and I was barely holding on to life myself. Without Mikey, there was no reason to keep living. Mikey was lying in the bed in the center of the room, out cold, appearing as if he had already left the living. I started to cry. And cry, and cry. My best, more like only, friend was dying and I could do nothing to stop it. I sat down on the edge of Mikey’s bed, and wept. He was not okay.

It was getting close to midnight, and Mikey was showing no signs of waking up. My mom drove me home so I could get a little sleep before school the next day. And it was a long night. I tossed and turned for what felt like hours before finally falling into a restless sleep.

The day dawned bright and early, like it had no idea of what was happening. It should be raining right now, to match my mood. But my mood was always down, so nothing was that much different. I walked to school with my neighbor, a short punk kid named Frank. We barely talked, just happy for the companionship.

“Hey, are you okay?” I was startled by Frank talking.

“Yes. I’m fine!” I snapped. Frank was taken aback, and grumbled under his breath. “Hey. I’m sorry. I just have some really rough stuff going on.” Frank just rolled his eyes and walked a little faster. I groaned. Just great. I always managed to fuck everything up. God, I hated myself. The only good thing about today was that I got to see my boyfriend, Bert. We had been dating since sophomore year and we were crazy close. I sometimes thought that this was the person I wanted to spend the rest of his life. Sometimes, Bert scared me a little, but he would always apologize and kiss it better, so I forgave him.

I sped up his walk, and finally got to school. Bert was waiting for me with an angry look on his face. He hugged me close then hissed into my ear, “Where the hell were you last night? I tried texting and calling you, but you didn’t respond!” He pulled back and raised his hand as if to hit me. I flinched.

“I’m sorry. I was in the hospital. Mikey, Mikey has cancer, Bert. He’s dying.” Bert’s face went from angry to kind.

“Oh, baby, I’m so sorry. I know how much you love your brother. I know what could help cheer you up!”

“What?”  
“Meet me in the janitor’s closet in the science wing during first period. We can have a little bit of fun.” I really didn’t feel like doing anything like that with Bert, but I wanted to keep him happy, so I agreed. Someone pushed past me as they walked by and Bert yelled “Watch it!” Frank turned around and flipped him off then stormed off. Bert wrapped his arm around my shoulders and said, “I want you to stay away from that Frank kid.” I didn’t ask why, but just nodded my head.

 

Frank’s POV

I hated Gerard Way. Absolutely loathed him. I couldn’t stand his soft-looking red hair or his kind, sparkling hazel eyes… okay. I hated the way he made me feel. He put butterflies in my stomach and thoughts of him danced around my brain. He was so nice, and I couldn’t help falling in love with him. We grew up neighbors, and I didn’t start loving him until sophomore year. But by the time I gathered the courage to ask him out, Bert had already snatched him up. God, I hated Bert. I actually hate him this time. Sometimes, Gerard would come to school with a bruise on his delicate skin and I was sure it was Bert that caused them. And sometimes Gerard looked really scared around his boyfriend, and all I wanted to do was wrap him in my arms and kiss him better.

What really pissed me off was hearing Bert pressuring my Gee into having sex with him. Gerard obviously was uncomfortable with it, but he didn’t try to argue. And right after his brother got diagnosed with cancer… I heard the whole conversation. I was just so worried about Gerard. But that wasn’t new.

I knew I didn’t deserve Gee. I was just so worthless, who would want a boyfriend with depression? I hated myself so much for being weak. I was useless. I couldn’t help the person I loved the most. In my frustration, I accidentally ran into Gerard. Bert yelled at me, so I turned around and flipped him off. I really hated him.

I was angry when I saw Gerard slip out of class, and he didn’t look too happy himself. He didn’t come back for the rest of class.

Finally, it was lunchtime. I never ate in the cafeteria, preferring to hang out in the band room with my friend Ray. The teacher would always let us jam on our guitars and have fun during our only break in the day. Ray knew about my crush on Gerard, and he agreed with my suspicions that Bert was hurting him. There was too much evidence to deny.

Before the end of lunch, I slipped away to the bathroom. I took out the blade I hid in my phone case and made three quick strikes with it on my arm, before using toilet paper to staunch the bleeding and bandaged it up. I went back into the band room with a fake, painful smile on my face, as if nothing at all had happened.

 

Bert’s POV

My little Gee met me in the janitor’s closet. He looked pale and sick, but I was excited. He was just so pretty I couldn’t wait to hear him scream my name. The moment the door closed, I latched onto his lips. It took a few moments before he kissed me back, and even then, he was still hesitant. I broke away and glared at him.

“What? You don’t want to be doing this?”

“No! No, Bert, I’m just a little tired. I’m sorry.” Gerard looked down at the floor, and I tilted his chin until his eyes met mine.

“Gee, honey, you’re going to have to make it up to me.” He nodded, and kneeled down on the ground and unbuckled my belt.

When he was done, we sat in the corner, snuggled up together. I poked Gerard’s side, making him giggle, then frowned, poking him again. My finger sunk into the soft flesh just below his ribcage. He had gained some weight in the time that we had been together.

“Gee, you’re getting kinda fat,” I said. “You shouldn’t be eating so much.” Gerard looked at me, and I took pity on him and lightly kissed his lips. “You know I only want what’s best for you, right?” He nodded slightly, still looking upset. I sighed. “I love you.” Finally, he smiled, though it was small.

“I love you, too, Bert.” The class bell rang and we headed our separate ways. We sat together during lunch in the cafeteria, surrounded by all of my friends. Gee didn’t talk much and barely ate, but I noticed that he threw away most of his food. I smiled at him proudly, and he weakly smiled back.

The rest of the school day passed by in a blur, and before I knew it, I was dropping Gerard off at his house, and on my way to my own home, if I could call it that.

I walked inside, and the sick stench of alcohol filled the air. My dad was passed out on the couch, which was a good thing, but he would be expecting food when he woke up, so I headed into the kitchen to make him a quick meal which I put in the microwave so he could heat it up when he was ready.

I tried to walk up the stairs quietly, but one of the steps creaked and my dad woke up. He yanked me down the steps by the straps of my backpack, and proceeded to kick my ribs as I struggled to get up. He knew better than to hit me where someone could see. He went easy on me this time, but my body still ached as I climbed the stair into my room.

I called Gerard, because talking to him always made me feel better, and we chatted for over an hour while we did our homework. I missed him very much.


	2. The First Punch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! Trigger warnings for some relationship violence/abuse. It's in the last few paragraphs. I forgot to put warnings in chapter one, but I'll make sure to do it for the rest.

Mikey’s POV

I woke up with bright light filtering through my eyelids. I rolled over, burying my face in my pillow. There was a twinge in my arm, and I winced, finally opening my eyes. I was in a white, white room with fluorescent lights and a window showing a brick wall. My first thought, of course, was to wonder if I had been abducted by aliens. But with the beep, beep, beep of the heart monitor, I realized I was in a hospital room, and Jesus Christ, there was a needle in my arm. I freaked out. Gee must’ve been rubbing off on me. He hated needles even more than I did. The heart monitor started beeping more rapidly with my increased heart rate and a nurse came into the small room.

“Good morning, Mikey! I’m Nurse Patrick, your morning nurse. I’ll be taking care of you today,” the short man cheerfully proclaimed.

“Why am I here?” I asked. All I remembered was walking down the stairs at home then… nothing.

“You fainted at your house so we brought you in to run some tests. I’ll bring in the doctor and he can tell you what we found.”

“Where’s my mom? And my brother?”

“Your mom was waiting here for a few days but she had to go to work. And I believe your brother is at school.”

“Wait. A few days? How long have I been here?”

“This is your third morning. I’m going to tell your doctor then your mom that you woke up.” I waited impatiently for the doctor to come in. I wanted to know what was going on, what was wrong with me. Patrick seemed like he was beating around the bush, and I had been feeling really crappy the past few months. I had been bruising really easily, and was always sick. I had also lost a lot of weight, which was good in a way, but I wasn’t really trying to. And I had just been really tired.

My thoughts swirled through my brain, immediately jumping to the worst case scenarios. Maybe I had cancer, or some rare disease that there was no cure for. Oh god, what if I only had a week to live? After what felt like hours of worrying, the doctor and Patrick walked in.

“Hey, Michael. I’m your doctor, Dr. Hurley.”

“Please call me Mikey.”

“Okay, Mikey. We called your mom and she is on her way here but we would like to start telling you what is going to happen. I’m very sorry, Mikey, but you have leukemia.” Shit. For once, my worst-case scenario actually happened.

“How severe is it? Am I going to die?”

“We hope not, but you have acute myeloid leukemia , and it has taken over your blood stream and bone marrow. We hope that an extensive regime of chemotherapy can help, but we can’t promise anything.”

“Am-am I going to die?”

“I’m sorry, Mikey. I don’t know. Probably. Less than ten percent of patients in such a severe stage recover. But there is always faith and hope.” I shook my head.

“How long do I have?”

“About three to six months. I’m sorry.”

“Please. Stop saying that. Actually, can you leave me alone for a little bit? I just need some time to process this.”

“Of course. We’ll be back when your mom arrives.” I almost started sobbing. I was going to die. Who dies when they’re sixteen? I guess me. I didn’t want to die. I liked being alive. Bet Pete would be jealous. Oh my god! Pete! I have to call him.

 

Pete’s POV

My phone buzzed in the middle of class. I tried to wriggle it out of my pocket to silence it.

“Ah, Mr. Wentz. Is that a phone I hear?”

“Yes, sir.” I ducked my head, hating when teachers called on me.

“Please bring it up to the front.” I had one of those asshole teachers who made you answer your phone on speakerphone in front of the whole class. I reluctantly stood up, and answered my phone.

“Hello?”

“Oh my god Pete! I need to talk to you.” The teacher was smirking at me. “Pete, I-I’m at the hospital.” Mikey’s voice was choked with tears. “Pete, the doctor told me I have cancer. I only have a few months left, up to half a year.” My face crumpled.  
“Please tell me you’re joking.”

“No, Pete. I’m dying.” The teacher had the decency to look upset. My best friend, my angel was dying. He had saved my life but now I couldn’t save his.

I spent the rest of class in a daze, thinking about Mikey. He had been my closest friend, my confidant, ever since we were little. But he had saved my life. Last year when I was a freshman, I got very depressed. I tried to kill myself, and Mikey was the one who found me, and he stayed with me until the ambulance came, then drove to the hospital to wait for me. I wasn’t used to people caring for me.

It didn’t take long for my love for Mikey to turn romantic. I started fall in love with him instead of platonic love. But now my heart is breaking that the love of my life is dying.

The bell rang, and I walked, nearly crying, into the hallway where I ran into Gerard.

“Hey, Pete.” I burst into tears. Gerard just looked at me numbly, then started to cry, too. We clung to each other for support. I knew that what I was going through must be magnified a thousand times for Gerard. He didn’t have very many friends, and he was losing his little brother. I didn’t know how he could stand it, much less cope with it.

 

Gerard’s POV

I couldn’t handle going back to class, so I hid in an empty classroom, trying to muffle my tears, but only somewhat succeeding. A hiccupping sob would escape every now and then. I heard the door creak open, and footsteps soon followed. I held my breath, but a particularly loud sniff broke my cover.

“Hello? Who’s there?” I said nothing, curling up even tighter in the corner. “I know someone’s in here!” The person walked further into the room, and I heard their footsteps stop right in front of me. I slowly looked up, and into the eyes of Frank. Frank and I had been friends in middle school, but grew apart in high school. He pursued band and music class while I delved deeper into the visual arts. But here he was, standing in front of me with pity and a mix of something else in his warm eyes.

He asked me if I was okay, and I started bawling into his shoulder. I spilled everything that had happened, about my brother’s inevitable death, about how I was going to miss him so much. He listened patiently, and when I was done, he said I could talk to him anytime and gave me his phone number. I thanked him, but then, embarrassed, left the room.

I got home and immediately went to my room. I took out my sketchbook and started to draw. Before long, I had a beautiful drawing of Frank. I tore it out, balled it up and threw it into the trash. I shouldn’t have drawn him. If Bert knew, he would be so mad.

It was dinnertime soon, and I went upstairs to eat, but I barely picked at my food. I wasn’t hungry, and anyways, I needed to lose some weight. I was so fat, it disgusted me. My mom was too worried about Mikey to notice I wasn’t eating.

When dinner was over, I helped to clean up the kitchen and headed over to Bert’s house. His dad was gone, which was good, because he scared me. Bert welcomed me in with a kiss, and we laid on his bed, snuggled together. He pulled off my shirt, and I did the same, and I gasped at the bruises running across his side. I sat up.

"Bert! Are you okay?” I exclaimed. He pinned me back down and climbed on top of me.

“Don’t want to talk about it.” He started kissing me again, and I tried to push him away.

 “Bert! I want to talk about this.” He rolled off and stood up, and I followed him, nervous. He turned around, and punched me. Pain radiated from my face. I held my hand up to my nose, and I could feel the blood gushing out. “What the hell, Bert! I think you broke my nose!”  
He backed me up until my back was against the wall and said, “You don’t tell anyone what just happened, or I’ll do worse.” I choked back a sob. “Baby, I’m just trying to take care of you. If you tell anyone, they’ll take me away from you and then you’ll be all alone, because who else would want a fat, miserable boyfriend like you?” I nodded my head, because he was right. I was lucky he loved me, because no one else could.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading! If you have any idea for this story or a new one, I'm open to suggestions! I love you all! I did all this research on this specific type of cancer, and only after I finished writing did I find out that this type of cancer is mostly found in people 67 or older. Whoops. Too late now.


	3. Don't Cry, You Can Rely On Me, Honey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so very little triggers in this chapter. brief mentions of self harm but nothing too graphic. Stay safe everybody!

Bert’s POV  
I couldn’t believe I had just punched Gerard. He was looking at me with wounded eyes, and with every word I said I saw the light in them dim just a little bit more. I didn’t know what to do. I felt horrible, but I needed Gee not to tell anyone. I needed someone to love me, and Gee was that person. I craved love like a drug addict craved heroin and Gerard was my only fix. I loved him, possibly more than he could imagine. I had to make him stay.  
“I’m sorry, Gee. You know I love you.” I pulled him into an embrace. He pulled away.  
“I’m really mad at you!”  
“Don’t you dare talk back to me,” I growled. I raised my hand as if I was about to hit him again, and he shrunk back. I felt horrible doing it, but I needed to scare him into submission.  
“I’m sorry, Bert.”  
“You’re damn right you’re sorry. It’s your fault.” He started to cry, and my anger started to crumble. “How about I make it up for you?” He sniffled, then looked at me with a mixture of hope and fear. I never wanted to make him afraid of me again, but I’d do whatever I needed to do. I couldn’t lose him.  
“Do you think we could maybe-“ he mumbled.  
“Speak up, honey, I can’t hear you.” He cleared his throat.  
“Do you think we could go out on a date this weekend? I need to take my mind off Mikey.”  
“Sure, baby. I’d love to. How about we take a picnic to the beach?” He smiled. Good.  
“That sounds nice, Bert.”  
“And?”  
“And I love you, Bert.”  
“That’s what I want to hear. I love you, too. But if you tell anyone what happened, I won’t love you anymore. And no one else loves you but me. I’m all you have. No one else likes you.” I felt bad manipulating him, but I couldn’t help it. “Here. I’ll get you some ice and then we can pick up some comics to bring Mikey while he’s in the hospital.”  
“Thank you. I love you, Bert. You won’t leave me, right?”  
“Of course not, baby. I love you very much.”

Pete’s POV  
The moment school let out, I was at the hospital, sitting with Mikey. I brought some magazines and books for him to read. They were going to keep him for a few days while they did some tests. Hopefully, Mikey could go home at the end of the week.  
I spoke to Mikey’s nurse, a guy named Patrick. He seemed pretty cool, and I was glad someone nice was taking care of my Mikey. Mikey and I had been sitting for a while when he spoke up suddenly.  
“I want to make a bucket list. Will you help me complete it?”  
“Sure. You know I’d do anything for you.” Shit. I sounded lovesick talking like that. I didn’t want to scare Mikey away. Fortunately, though, he just smiled at me.  
“Awesome. We can get started when I get home.” Patrick stuck his head in through the door.  
“Hey, Mikey? You have more visitors.” Mikey’s older brother and his boyfriend walked in.  
“Jesus, Gerard! What happened to your face?” Gerard blushed. His face was red and swollen and there was a trickle of dried blood under his nose.  
“He tripped down the stairs,” Bert said. He had his arm wrapped protectively, almost possessively, around Gerard’s shoulders, squeezing him close to his body. Gerard looked faintly uncomfortable, but it wasn’t my place to say anything.  
“Yeah. I’m such a klutz,” Gerard giggled nervously, grating and high pitched. Mikey looked at him strangely, but didn’t press. “We got you some comic books.” He seemed glad to change the subject, especially when Mikey’s eyes lit up. The Way family was famous for their love of comics. Gerard wanted to be a comic book artist when he was older. He was well on his way. He was a fantastic artist, and the walls of his room were plastered with his drawings. I wanted to be in a band. Mikey and I both played the bass, otherwise I’d ask him to be in a band with me. We both loved the same type of music. We pretty much had the same taste in everything. That was part of the reason I loved him so much, We had everything in common, and he gave me a reason to live. He made me not hate life anywhere near as much, and I didn’t know what I was going to do when he died.  
I didn’t try to tell myself otherwise. I knew he was dying, and there wasn’t a damn thing I could do about it. I felt so useless. He was able to save my life, so why can’t I save his? I wanted to cry, but I had to be strong for Mikey.  
Before I left, I talked with Patrick for a while. He wasn’t busy, and we bonded over music. Apparently Patrick played the guitar and was rather good at it, too. He seemed very capable, and I was glad Mikey was in good hands. I knew that Patrick had other patients to take care of, so I left him to go do his job.

Frank’s POV  
Gerard came to school today with a broken nose. I was pissed.  
“I think Bert did it,” I commented darkly to Ray as we sat behind the school, smoking.  
“You’re just saying that because you don’t like him. Why don’t you just grow a pair of balls and tell Gerard you like him?” Ray quipped. I groaned.  
“I’m too scared. There! Are you happy I admitted it? I’m scared he’ll reject me.” Ray just laughed, shaking his head at me. “It’s not funny!”  
“It totally is, Frank, and you know it.”  
“Okay. It might possibly be a little funny.” I’m so head over heels in love with someone who barely knows I existed. It was kind of sad. I got up, and headed back into school.  
I stopped in the bathroom to cut, but I heard sniffling coming from one of the stalls. I didn’t need to cut, but it had become a habit, an addiction.  
“Hello?” The crying stopped. “I know you’re there. Do you need to talk?” Slowly, one of the stall doors creaked open. Gerard was perched on the toilet, muffling his crying, his eyes red and leaking, frighteningly dull and empty.  
“Hey. Do you need help?” My words just set Gerard off into a fresh round of sobs. I stepped into the stall and awkwardly put my arms around him, patting his back. “Hey, hey. It’s going to be okay. Do you need to talk? I can walk you down to the school counselor’s office if you would like.” He just shook his head. “How about this. We can go find a nice quiet space just to sit for a little while? Does that sound alright?” He nodded, and we stood up.  
I found an empty classroom, and we sat in there for about half an hour before Gerard spoke.  
“I’m really sorry about this.” He gestured at himself with a self-deprecating laugh. “I usually don’t cry so much.”

“It’s okay. I think it’s kind of cute.” Well, shit. Gerard gave me a weird look. Gotta love my lack of filter.

“We should probably get back to class.”

“Sure.” I wrapped him in a hug, pretending to not notice that he flinched, in pain or in fear, I didn’t know, when I touched him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're enjoying! I'm having a lot of fun writing this. I like getting into the heads of all the different characters.


	4. Momma Won't You Call Me a Doctor Cause My Temperature Rising Higher and Higher.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late. I was kinda busy and to be honest, just to lazy to write. Sorry. I hope you enjoy! No big triggers in this chapter that I can think of.

Gerard’s POV

Oh my god I was so embarrassed. A cute guy who just happened to be my neighbor found me sobbing in the bathroom. Mikey was going to mock me viciously for this. I was just so sad about Mikey and I was sore because I stayed at Bert’s house last night, and he wanted to have sex and I didn’t but I didn’t want to say no so we did. And then his dad came home and Bert shooed me out the back door. I think Bert’s dad hits him and that’s where he got those bruises. I knew better than to mention them this time.

I was feeling dizzy and faint. I hadn’t eaten in three days and it was starting to catch up to me. I was feeling really weak with an awful headache. I knew I couldn’t eat; Bert wouldn’t love me anymore if I gained weight. I was already so fat. If Mikey dies, Bert would be all I have left.

Bert had been being so sweet to me since he hit me. He bought me flowers and we went out on a date. We hadn’t had a nice date in such a long time. The two of us went to see a movie and it was good. It took my mind off what was happening with Mikey. He came home yesterday, but he’s not back at school yet. They prescribed him some medicine, but they aren’t sure it will help. His cancer was pretty bad and he was only going to get worse. Mikey’s doctor gave us a grim prognosis. Only a few months left. I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t believe we didn’t notice, not when Mikey was so ill, so often. We should have seen the early signs and now it was too late. He was going to die far too young, and it was our fault.

God, I hated myself. I was truly a terrible person. I was so lucky that Bert loved me. I didn’t deserve him, and even if he was sometimes too rough and could be a little mean, it was worth it. I don’t think I could find anyone else who would care about me like Bert does. I needed him.

The rest of the school day passed in a haze. I saw Frank again, and he smiled at me. I blushed furiously, my face almost as red as my hair. I was still embarrassed, and it only got worse. Bert noticed Frank looking at me, and he flipped Frank off, and then pinched me hard. Frank frowned, and I looked away. I tried to stand up, but Bert gripped my wrist hard, and pulled me back down. He slung his arm around my shoulder and whispered in my ear, “Stay away from him. He looks like trouble.” I personally thought Frank looked like a very nice guy, but Bert was always right, so I resolved to avoid Frank.

 

Mikey’s POV

Pete came over this afternoon, right when school was over. I wasn’t at school, the teachers and the doctor said I should just start online school or take a break from it. There was the underlying thought that I wouldn’t be alive long enough for it to matter. And it really didn’t. I hadn’t been feeling well enough to focus on school or do my homework in months. My grades had slipped from their usual A to B range down to Ds. But back to Pete.

So, Pete came over to help me write (and complete) my bucket list. I knew that some more traditional bucket list things like going to places were out, due to the financial strain I was already causing, so Pete and I stuck to more easily accessible things.

“If you could do anything before you died, what would you do?” I asked. Great. So creative.

"I don’t know. I guess I’ve always wanted a tattoo.”

“Good idea. I’m going to get a tattoo. I’m sixteen, so I’m old enough. While I’m at it, I might get a piercing or two.”

“Or maybe three,” chimed in Pete.

“What should I get a tattoo of?”

“Maybe something your brother drew?” Pete suggested.

“That’s actually a good idea… unlike most of yours,” I joked.

“Hey!”

“Just kidding. You’re a really good friend, you know? Thanks for that and thanks for sticking with me.”  
“Of course! That’s what friends are for. I’ll stay with you through thick and thin.” I blew out a sigh of relief.

“Oh, thank god. I was worried you’d leave once I started getting really sick.”  
“No. I wouldn’t do that to you.” Pete looked offended.

“But let’s get back to the bucket list.” We sat in my bedroom for a good hour, until we had what seemed like a good list. A lot of it was music related, since music was my biggest passion.

MIKEY’S BUCKET LIST

  1. Get a tattoo
  2. Learn a trick on a skateboard
  3. Join a band
  4. Kiss someone
  5. Fall in love
  6. Go to Warped Tour
  7. Learn how to play Piano Man on the harmonica
  8. Become friends with a stranger
  9. Make an internet friend
  10. Write a song
  11. See Smashing Pumpkins live



 

“I think this is good enough,” I said. “I can always add more to it later.”

“And we can get started on it now. I can make some flyers to pass out at school for band auditions.”

“Maybe Gerard will help us.” We went to go get him, and he jumped when we opened the door. He agreed to help, and we sat down together, designing a flyer. I blinked. Everything looked a little blurry. I blinked again, and tried to focus on Gerard’s blurry face. An ache deep in my bones twanged, and I screamed. I could almost see Gerard calling me name but his voice sounded far, far away. With a surge of pain coming from my abdomen, I passed out and the world turned to black.

 

Pete’s POV

Mikey screamed, and Gerard screamed his name. I stood in shock as Mikey crumpled to the floor.

“Pete! Call 911, now!” I scrambled to my phone and dialed 911. When the operator picked up, I gasped out what had happened, and the Ways’ address. The operator promised that the ambulance would be there soon, and Gerard and I sat next to Mikey’s prone body, terrified. What if this was it? Mikey might die, and I never told him how I felt. I promised myself that if he woke up I would tell him.

Gerard rode in the ambulance but I had to drive myself to the hospital. We waited in the waiting room while Gerard called their mom. Eventually, the nurse, Patrick, called us back to the room where Mikey lay inert on the hospital bed. He looked so pale and frail, so skinny. He had lost a lot of weight recently and I kicked myself for not noticing something was wrong.

Patrick explained to us that Mikey’s spleen was enlarged. He would be experiencing more symptoms like vision changes and aching bones, fevers and night sweats. As he was assuring us that Mikey would most likely wake up, his eyes flickered. Mikey’s eyes popped open, and Gerard almost started crying with relief. Mikey was able to go home later that day. Mikey and I sat in his room on his bed. It was now or never.

“Mikey?”  
“Yeah, Pete?” Mikey’s voice sounded so tired and weak and it made me sad.

“I-I justwantedyoutoknowilikeyou.” I rushed out.

“Speak more slowly, Pete. I can’t understand you.” I took a deep breath.

“Mikey, I like you.”

“I know you do. We’re friends.”

“No, I like you like you.” He looked startled. “I’ve had a crush on you for a long time now, and I realized earlier today that if I didn’t tell you now, I might not have a chance later, so I just wanted you to know. I understand if you don’t want to be friends anymore.”

“First off, Pete, where would you get such a stupid idea that I wouldn’t want to be your friend?”

“I don’t know, but people at school are so homophobic…”  
“And have I ever acted like a homophobic asshole? Gee’s gay, too.”

“Well, I’m more bisexual.” He chuckled. “But do you like me back?”  
“Pete, I don’t know. I never thought about you like that, but it doesn’t mean I won’t ever.” Well then. That was better than a straight out no. “I’ll think about my feelings for a little while, before I make a definitive statement. But can we talk about something else?”  
“Sure, Mikes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. A few things. First, I edited the last chapter because I made a dumb mistake (I forgot that Gee and Frankie already knew each other). Second, thank you to @snailthesaints but I'm not gonna change it because of the aforementioned laziness. I might change it later when I'm done but we'll see. Third, I got to see bmth about a week ago! One of the best nights of my life... And finally, to those who are reading my other story, I'm so sorry! I've had terrible writers block. I will finish it eventually. Hopefully soon. Okay.I love you all! You guys are amazing! Kudo or comment if you want.


	5. You're Not In This Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dudes, I'm so sorry that I haven't posted in years. I'd say an excuse but it's not excusable. I really need to write more.

Bert’s POV  
I got home late and I accidentally burned our supper. My dad was pissed. He slammed me against the wall and punched me hard in the stomach, knowing better to hurt me somewhere people could see.  
Gerard called me later that night. He was practically sobbing. I sighed. I was to tired and sore to want to deal with Gerard’s whiny bullshit, but I faked cheeriness in my voice when I answered the phone.  
“Hey, Gee,” I said, balancing the phone on my shoulder.  
“Mikey’s dying. He went into the hospital today, and I’m just so scared. I’m still at the hospital. I don’t think I’m going home tonight.”  
“You’re still there? Here, I’ll meet you there.”  
“You’d do that? Thank you, Bert. I love you so much.”  
“I love you, too.” I drove to the hospital to meet Gerard. I was sitting on the edge of Mikey’s bed, with Pete, Mikey’s friend asleep in the chair in the corner. Mikey was sitting up, but looked out of it.  
“Bert! Thank god you’re here.” Gerard stood up and swooped me into a hug, pecking me on the cheek. I winced as his arms squeezed my sore, sensitive abdomen. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”  
“I know, I’m perfect,” I joked, but Gerard looked at me seriously.  
“You are perfect, perfect for me.” I smiled. I kissed Gerard lightly. He sighed. “You make me so happy, Bert. I love you.”  
“I love you, too.” The door to the hospital room opened, and Gerard’s mom rushed in. She gave us a disapproving look, but didn’t say anything. The doctor followed her, and the small room quickly became crowded, with the four of us standing around Mikey’s bed and Pete sleeping in the corner.  
The doctor was the first to speak.  
“We can always try chemo but I don’t think it will work. Mikey’s cancer is in such a late stage, I think the best course of action would be to start palliative care.”  
“What?”  
“Palliative care is when you just treat the symptoms, and not the actual cause.”  
“Wait,” Gerard burst out. “You’re basically saying that you’re going to let Mikey die?”  
“I’m sorry, kid. There’s not much else we can do.”  
“Fuck you. Fuck this and fuck you. Bert, can you take me home?” With that, Gerard swept out of the room, with me following behind.  
I drove Gee over to my house, and we lied down on my bed, snuggled together. I leaned over to kiss him, and he whined, and moved away. I reached out to hug him, and he sat up and got out of bed.  
“Come on, babe. Don’t you want to have a little fun?”  
“No, Bert. I just want to sleep.” I stood up, and Gee shrank away from me.  
“You will do as I say. You are mine! What do you not get about that?”  
“I’m not something you can own!” I slapped him. His face turned pale, with a red handprint standing out, stark against the white of his skin.  
“You. Are. Mine. And you’d better accept that. I’m not gonna let you go.” Gerard looked frightened and sad. We stared at each other for a moment before he turned his gaze to the floor. I groaned, and flopped onto the bed. I felt the bed shake as Gerard lied down. His voice piped up, soft and scared.  
“We can, you know, do it if you want.”  
“I don’t fucking want to anymore! Why would you think I’d want fuck your fat ass?” I rolled over, and fell asleep to the sound of Gerard crying.

Pete’s POV  
I jolted awake. There was a blurry face hanging in my vision, and I blinked a few times until I could see clearly. It was Patrick.  
“Good morning, Pete!” he crowed.  
“What’s so good about it?” I moaned, ever the stereotypical sarcastic teenager. Patrick’s bright grin faded slightly, but he continued on unfazed.  
“Well, Mikey doesn’t seem like he’s in too much pain today,” Patrick said cheerfully. I cracked a small smile. I got up and went over to check on Mikey. He was fast asleep, his hair sticking to his forehead with sweat. “You know, Pete, I’m worried about you. Cancer is hard on the loved ones and I’m worried that you’ll have difficulty dealing with everything that’s going on.” His words hit a little too close to home. Did he know that I struggled dealing with my emotions? I subconsciously pulled at my sleeves.  
“Thanks, but I’m sure I’ll be fine.” I checked the time on the clock on the wall. “Shit! I’m late to school!” I rushed out the door, stopping only to press a kiss on Mikey’s forehead. “Love you, little guy.” I didn’t notice Patrick’s envious glance at Mikey as I left.  
School was absolute hell. I couldn’t think about anything else but Mikey and my thoughts swirled in a dangerous spiral. I couldn’t imagine living without Mikey. If he died, he’s taking me with him. Life already sucked, but life without Mikey wasn’t a life worth living.

Frank’s POV  
“Hey, Ray? You see that poster?” I nudged Ray with my elbow. It was a poster asking for band members. “You want to do it?”  
“Yeah. It can’t hurt.” The poster wanted guitarists, a singer and a drummer.  
“We should audition. They’re tonight.”  
When school was over, Ray drove me over to the house where the auditions were taking place. We rang the doorbell and a rather short, but not as short as me, boy with dyed, straightened black hair and a heavy ring of guyliner on opened the door. He looked extremely tired.  
“You guys here for the band?” the short guy said.  
“Yeah. We both play guitar.”  
“Cool. I’m Pete. I play bass but I’m not going to be in the band.” I was confused. “It’s a long story. I’ll explain later. First, I want to hear you play.”  
We played for about an hour before Pete explained to us what’s going on.  
“My best friend has cancer and one of his biggest dreams was to have a band. I’m trying to set one up for him.”  
“You’re a very good friend,” I said. Pete gave me a sad smile.  
“I try to be. But anyways, you both were amazing. Do you guys want to be in the band?”  
“Yes!” Ray and I high fived each other. I had always wanted to be in a band but al of the ones I was in had always failed. This one was not going to last either, especially if one of the members has cancer, but at least it was for a good cause.  
“Cool. All we need is a singer and a drummer.”  
“Hey, maybe my neighbor could sing. He used to sing all the time on the way to school. He has a pretty nice voice.”  
“Who’s your neighbor?”  
“Gerard Way.”  
“You know him?”  
“Yeah.”  
“His brother is the one who has cancer.”  
“I heard about that! Is Mikey going to be okay?”  
“We don’t know. But thanks, you guys, for playing for us. It’ll mean a lot to Mikey.”  
“It was our pleasure.”  
“Oh! I know a drummer!” Ray said. “He’s kind of a douche but he’s an alright drummer. I can call him. His name is Bob.”  
“Great. I can’t wait to tell Mikey.”

Mikey’s POV  
I was going to start chemo, but my mom and I decided not to. There was a very small percent chance that it would help and I didn’t think it was worth the pain if I was going to die anyways. So they sent me home.  
Pete, when he heard the news, called almost immediately. He said he had a surprise ready for me. I was excited. I needed all of the joy I could get these days.  
He came over, and I heard an entire troupe of people come up the stairs.  
“Hey, Mikey! I brought some friends,” Pete said excitedly.  
“Why’d you bring so many people?” The amount of people in my small room was making me claustrophobic.  
“This is your new band!”  
“My-My what?” I spluttered.  
“Your band! Frank and Ray play guitar, you play bass, and Bob plays the drums. And we were planning on getting your brother to sing.” Pete’s smile was so big it looked like it must’ve hurt his face.  
“Pete! THANK YOU SO MUCH!” I shouted. Gerard poked his head into the room.  
“Is everyone okay?” he asked?  
“Everything is better than okay. Pete got me a band! But you need to sing for us.”  
“Wait. No way.”  
“Please, Gerard! I’ll give you all of my comic books if you do.”  
“Fine. I’ll do it.” My grin matched Pete’s , and I had never felt so happy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay. I really hate Bob. I only added him because I felt like I had to. But I hope you enjoyed and hopefully I'll be writing more now that it's summer. One quick thing: My friend, DeadMilitia, is going through some tough stuff right now. You should go check out her writing, it's absolutely amazing and leave a comment wishing her well. It would mean so much to the both of us. Thank you guys, and have a great summer!


	6. Tainted Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dudes, again and again I don't update. Thank you guys for sticking with me. WARNING!!!!!! Extremely dubious consent in this chapter. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!! I don't want to trigger anyone.

Frank’s POV

I had been going over to Gerard and Mikey’s house almost daily for band practice. Gerard had an amazing voice and Mikey was fantastic at the bass. The only weak link in the band was Bob, but we needed a drummer so we put up with him. Mikey was the one who got the honor of naming us, after all, the band was for him. He named us after some book he read. It was a dope name. We were called My Chemical Romance. Pete came to almost every practice, as he obviously had a crush on Mikey. I wondered if Mikey knew. He probably did, unless he was crazy oblivious. Pete was doing a terrible job hiding it.

Gerard had written some damn good songs. Apparently, he was some sort of closet song writing genius. He had an entire notebook filled with song lyrics that he wrote. The first song he shared with us was Helena. He wrote it after his grandmother died, and it resonated deeply with Mikey, but when Gee sang it, all of his sorrow at his grandmother’s death came out and he sang with powerful emotion.

Pete was kind of like our band manager. When we were ready, he recorded our music on Garage Band and posted it online. He even booked us a show in a month at a local bar downtown.

We had just finished practice, and were putting away our various instruments when the doorbell rang. Gee got up to get it and he came back with Bert, who promptly glared at me. What was his deal? It wasn’t like I hated him or anything. Well, maybe I did. Quite a bit, actually.

“What’s going on?” Bert said.

“We’re having band practice,” Mikey said proudly. “I play bass, Ray and Frankie play guitar, and Gee sings.”  
“Gee? You sing?” Bert asked.

“Yeah. You’ve heard me sing before.”

“But I didn’t think you were very good.” Gerard flushed dark red and my fists clenched. I was /this/ close to punching Bert.

“Well, I think Gerard is a great singer,” I proclaimed. Gee sent me a grateful look, which Bert unfortunately caught. His glare intensified, to the point where I was squirming uncomfortably. I glared right back.

“Hey, baby, I didn’t mean it like that. I just though you said you were a little too shy to sing in front of other people.” Gerard’s eyes widened in understanding and I wondered what he was thinking about. He looked at the ground, abashed.

“I’m sorry, Bert.”

“It’s fine, baby doll. You know I love you.” I cringed at the pet name. Gee wasn’t anyone’s baby but mine! I wished so bad that I could wrap him in my arms and gently kiss the tears that had started to leak out of his eyes. Mikey, Ray and Pete were oblivious to what was going on, chatting happily in the corner. Gerard shouldn’t have apologized. He didn’t do anything wrong! Gerard deserved so much better. He deserved someone like me.

 

Gerard’s POV

Bert dragged me into the hallway and downstairs to my room.

“I thought I told you never to sing in front of anyone but me!” he hissed.

“I’m so sorry, Bert. I forgot and it was for Mikey, and he wanted me to sing for them so bad and I can’t say no to him, especially now and-”

“SHUT UP! I don’t care why but I do care about why you’re still talking to that Frank kid. He’ll do nothing but cause trouble for you, trouble with me. And anyways, I heard that all he wants to do it get into your pants just so he can say he fucked you. I heard him talking to his friend about it. He said that you were just a challenge and that he could fuck anyone that has a pulse, and that he was going to make you his bitch.”  
“He said that?” My lip trembled. “I thought he was nice.”

“Well, he isn’t.”

“I’m sorry. I should have listened you. Can you forgive me?”  
“Sure, baby. Just don’t do it again.” Bert leaned over to kiss me, and I let him. He pushed me back onto my bed and climbed on top of me. He trailed kisses down my neck, his mouth nipping at my collarbone. I surprised myself when I let out a soft moan, and Bert chuckled. “Guess you’re enjoying this, huh, sweetie?”

Moments later, we were both lying naked in my bed. Bert tried to flip me over onto my stomach, but I sat up.

“Bert, can we not do this right now?”  
“Gee, baby, it will make you feel a lot better.”

“I don’t want to do it anymore.”

“God, you’re such a tease. You were encouraging me and _now_ you say no? I thought you were enjoying it!” I felt ashamed. He was right. I _was_ being a tease and I should just let him do what he wanted.

“Okay. I’m sorry. You’re right. I’m very lucky you even want to do it with me.”  
“Damn right you are. I take good care of you. You don’t appreciate me enough.”  
“How can I say sorry?”  
“Let me fuck you.” I gulped. I really, really didn’t want to but I wanted Bert to forgive me so I agreed. It wasn’t worth it.

 

Mikey’s POV

Frank and Ray left just after Bert and Gerard disappeared downstairs. Pete and I headed up to my room but not before we heard loud moans coming from the basement. That was so gross. I didn’t want to think about my brother having sex. It seems like that’ s all Gerard and Bert had been doing lately; that, or arguing.

I popped a movie into the television and the two of us sat on the edge of my bed to watch. I looked at Pete as the lights from the T.V. flickered over his face. I thought of my bucket list, and how I wanted to have my first kiss before I died. And I thought about all the times Pete had been there for me, how close we were, how much I loved him. That’s when I leaned over and pressed my lips against Pete’s. To be honest, it was a little anticlimactic. You always hear about fireworks and angels singing, but it was nice. Very nice.

Pete was shocked for a moment, but then his lips started moving in tandem with mine. He was a more experienced kisser than I was(obviously) and he gently sucked my bottom lip in between his two lips. Slowly, achingly slowly, he brushed his tongue across my lip. I opened my mouth a little and his tongue darted in, dancing with my own. We kissed forever before Pete pulled away. Our foreheads pressed together and we sat there, catching our breaths.

“Why’d you kiss me? Not that I’m complaining or anything but why?” Pete asked.

“Because I care about you.” Pete’s face split into a wide grin, and he hugged me so tight I never wanted him to let go. In Pete’s arms, I was safe. There was no such thing as cancer, angst or pain. Just love.

 

Bert’s POV

I felt so bad about lying to Gerard about Frank but I couldn’t have any competition. I had seen the way Frank looked at my Gee, and I didn’t like it. I needed to remind Gerard whom he belonged to. He was mine and I wasn’t going to share him.

We were cuddling in Gee’s bed when we heard a scream coming from upstairs, and Pete burst into the room.

“Gerard! Mikey collapsed!” My Gerard’s face paled to ghostly white.

“Pete! What happened?” Pete looked like he was about to cry.

“I don’t know. Everything was fine and then he screamed. His eyes rolled back into his head and he just… crumpled.” Gee grabbed his phone off the bedside table and rushed up the stairs. Pete and I looked at each other then followed him.

We found him kneeling by Mikey’s inert body. He was talking on his phone to what appeared to be a 911 operator. He looked up.

“I-I can’t find a pulse.” His eyes were leaking tears and I swooped him into a hug but he pushed me away. He was bawling by the time the ambulance came. They loaded Mikey onto a stretcher and Gerard rode with him to the hospital.

Pete hopped into my car and we followed the ambulance to the hospital. Gee’s mom met us there, and she sat next to her son in the waiting room. Gerard leaned against me, resting his head on my shoulder as he cried.

“Bert? What if Mikey doesn’t make it?”  
“Shh, honey. Don’t think like that. Mikey is going to be fine.” He gave me a watery smile.

“I love you, Bert.”

“I love you, too, Gee.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like my writing has gotten progressively worse as this story goes on. Sorry about that. Thank you guys for reading and kudo/comment if you wish! Love you all to pieces!


	7. Can't Be On My Own Without You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HUGE TRIGGER WARNING!!!! Self harm in the last couple of paragraphs. Stay safe, my friends.

Gerard’s POV

Mikey was in the hospital. Again. It turned out that I was incapable of actually finding a pulse, so Mikey _did_ have one, though it was very weak. At least he was alive.

Bert was holding me. I felt safe. Sometimes with Bert, I was afraid of him, but right now he was the person I fell in love with, kind and caring, loving and sweet. I snuggled deeper into his arms as we waited in the hospital waiting room. It was terrible. The uncertainty of not knowing was the worst. I just wanted Mikey to pull through.

Pete was waiting with us, too. His eyes were red, and he was crying almost as much as I was. I was glad that Mikey had such a good friend. He needed all the support he could get.

The doctor finally came out. He looked tired, but he had a pleased smile on his face.

“Michael just woke up. He’s doing alright. He is in a lot of pain, and we want to keep him for a couple of days just to watch him. It does appear to be that he has lost his sight. It will come in and out before he loses it completely. Also, he can take a few visitors right now.” Mom had started crying, from relief or fear, I couldn’t tell. I disentangled myself from Bert’s arms and helped my mother to stand up.

All four of us went to visit Mikey, but we had to put on masks to make sure we didn’t spread any contagions. He heard our footsteps, but couldn’t see anyone.

“Who is it?” he wearily asked.

“Hey, Mikey. It’s me and Mom and Pete and Bert. We were so worried about you.”

“Gerard? What’s going to happen?”

“I don’t know, Mikes, I really don’t know.”

 

Pete’s POV

I couldn’t stand it. Mikey’s voice was thick with pain, and his eyes were unfocused. I just couldn’t handle it. I slowly backed out of the room, and bumped into a startled nurse.

“Oh my god, I’m so sor-” I rambled on.

“Pete? It’s fine.” Patrick said with a giggle. “Now, what’s going on? You look really upset.”

“It’s Mikey. I can’t stand seeing him in pain. It hurts me so much.”

“Mikey needs you. You can’t abandon him when he needs you most. Here, let’s get you back to Mikey’s room and you can talk to him.” I smiled at Patrick. He was a voice of reason right now. I surprised him by giving him a hug. He froze, then hugged me back.

I went back to Mikey’s room, just as he was asking to talk to me.

“I’m here, Mikey. I’m sorry. It’s just hard for me to see you in pain, but don’t worry. I’ll stay with you.” Mikey gave me the weakest, smallest smile I had ever seen, but it was there, and I knew I was forgiven. “And here, I brought my phone so we can listen to some music. How about some Green Day?”

I sat on the edge of his bed, and we talked about everything and anything. It was nice. I could almost forget where we were, that Mikey was sick. All too soon, though, we were asked to leave, and I had to get up. I couldn’t give Mikey a kiss goodbye like I wished, but I told him I loved him before leaving the room so Gerard and Mrs. Way could say their goodbyes.

Mikey was going to be transferred out of the ICU into the oncology unit tomorrow, and then we could visit him more.

 

 

Frank’s POV

I got a call from Gerard around midnight. I was up late, listening to music and playing the guitar. I picked up my phone and immediately knew something was wrong.

“Frank, Mikey’s back in the hospital, so practice is postponed indefinitely.”

“Gerard, are you okay?”

“Yeah, Frank, I’m fine. Just really, really tired.”

“You know, you can always talk to me if you want. I’m here for you.”

“Yeah, right. I know what you said about me.”

“What did I say?”

“Don’t pretend to deny it. Bert told me what he heard.”

I heard some shuffling in the background, and then I heard Bert’s unmistakable slimy voice.

“Who are you talking to, Gee, baby?”

“Give me a moment,” Gerard said to me, and then, with his voice muffled, “Just Frank. I needed to tell him that practice was cancelled. And I confronted him about what he said. He denied it.”

“Of course he denied it. He’s a disgusting bastard.” What was Bert’s problem? It wasn’t like I was trying to steal his man or anything. And what did I say? I wracked my brain but couldn’t think of anything I said that could’ve offended Gerard. But what did it matter? He would never like me the way I like him.

“I just can’t believe he would say that,” Gerard continued. “I actually liked him.”

“Would I lie to you?” Bert asked. Gerard hesitated.

“You wouldn’t, but Frank seemed so nice and even Mikey said he was a good guy.” _Crack!_ Gerard gasped and it sounded like the phone dropped.

“Don’t you dare question me! He called you a slut, but we both know that’s just what you are, _my_ _slut_.” It sounded like Bert hit Gerard again, because he moaned in pain.

“I’m sorry, really sorry, Bert. Please. Just let me finish talking to Frank and we can talk about this later? I really am sorry.”

“You better be. I’m not done with you. You’re really in for it now.”

Gerard’s voice came back on, louder than before.

“Sorry about that, Frank. Bert just wanted to talk to me.”

“Gerard! Why do you let him treat you like that?”

“What? You-You heard that?” Gerard’s voice was quiet again, and scared.

“Of course. He was screaming loud enough to wake up the entire neighborhood and did he hit you?”

“Like you’re any fucking better. Don’t act all high and mighty, Frank. Bert told me what you said about me and honestly? Fuck you. I don’t want to talk to you again. Leave me, Bert, and my brother alone.” With that, he hung up.

I went to bed, but I couldn’t sleep. I kept replaying the conversation in my head, remembering every word. I didn’t get it. Why did Gerard hate me? I started to cry a little. I always got sadder when it was dark, and tonight was no different. Spiraling thoughts filled my head, getting darker and darker. It started off with a simple _He hates me_ to _Everyone hates me_ to _I hate myself_. I couldn’t stand it anymore. I grabbed my pencil sharpener blade out from beneath my pillow and padded over to the bathroom and turned on the light.

 _So fucking weak_. I had been clean for 17 days now, and I just couldn’t do it. I pulled up my shirt and pressed the blade into my skin, just hard enough to sting. Slowly, I dragged the blade across my stomach, pushing harder until small beads of red appeared. I sighed with relief. I forgot how good cutting felt. It was as if all my problems, worries, thoughts just oozed out of my body with the blood, leaving me empty, yet full. It felt good to feel. I held a piece of toilet paper against my cuts until the bleeding stopped, then flushed the evidence down the toilet. My mom thought I had stopped a long time ago. It would break her heart to know I was still hurting myself. I just thought it was better for me to cut than to kill myself. It was the lesser of two evils.

Satiated, I went back to bed, and fell into a restful sleep.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoyed. I'm sorry this took so long. I'm going to make an effort to write more often.


	8. Don't Degrade Yourself Like I Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey dudes, lady dudes, nonbinary dudes and whatever type of dude you identify as! So it's been like years since I've last updated. So shit happened and I wasn't able to do most things, much less write so I'm sorry. Anyway, here's a chapter. It's pretty graphic like really bad. Abuse/violence in the beginning then self harm at the end, so stay safe.

Bert’s POV  
“Hey, Bert?” Gee was curled up next to me. We were lying on his bed, just resting there together. It felt nice.  
“Yeah, baby?”  
“Can I draw you?” I smiled at him.  
“Sure.”  
“Great!” He hopped up and grabbed his sketchbook and a couple pencils off of his desk. He perched on the edge of his chair and started to draft out my face. I stuck my tongue out and wiggled my eyebrows, making him laugh.  
“Hey! If you’re not careful, you’re gonna end up with like three noses! I’m trying to concentrate.” He giggled again before bending down to draw. I sat up and rested my head against the wall. Gee’s bed was tucked in the corner. We sat there in silence for a long time. The only sound was the light scratching of pencil on paper. I watched him draw, and he was so cute. His brow was furrowed and his tongue was poking out a little in concentration, but it had been a long time since I’d seen him so happy. Maybe not happy, but light. I felt a stab of guilt. I knew it was my fault that he was hurting so much. No. It was too late now, and I had to keep going.  
“Here,” Gee said quietly, and handed me the sketch, almost shy.   “Oh my god. Gee, this is amazing! You’re really talented.” He blushed, and ducked his head, avoiding my eyes. “Gee, look at me.” He did, hesitantly. “You’re beautiful.” I felt guilt again when he sighed almost in relief. “Hey, I gotta go home, but do you want me to pick you up and take you to school?”  
“Yeah, I’d like that. I, I don’t want to see Frank.”  
“I understand that. And if he bothers you, come get me and I’ll protect you, yeah?” He nodded. “Yeah?”  
“Yes, Bert. Thank you. I love you.”  
“I love you, too.” I kissed the top of his head before heading out. It was dark outside, almost no stars out. I sat on the stoop and light a cigarette. God, I felt so scared. I didn’t want to go home, I was scared of my dad, I was scared of what he would do to me. I was scared about what he had already done, what he turned me into. I was just like him. And I couldn’t stop myself. I was so scared that Gee would leave me. I chuckled wryly. Maybe I deserved my father. With that happy thought, I put out my cigarette and headed home.  
The house was dark and quiet. I slipped inside, closing the door softly behind me. I started to walk to the stairs and I didn’t even hear him coming. I hit the floor hard, and got the wind knocked out of me. He crouched down next to me.  
“Where the hell were you?” I could smell the beer on his breath. I was never going to drink. I also said I’d never hurt someone, so who knows? “Don’t make me repeat myself.”  
“I was with a friend.”  
“Don’t bullshit me. You were with your boyfriend, you fucking faggot. You’re disgusting.” I didn’t say anything. “Do you want to know what my dad though about fags? He said you have to beat it out of them. And he did, and I learned and you’re going to learn.” I was shocked, and he dragged me up the steps, my head banging against the scratched wood. He pushed me into my room, and onto the floor, and I scuttled into the corner, as if I could hide.  
“Please,” I whispered. He just laughed.  
“You asked for this. Take your shirt off.” Fuck. I knew what was coming. He hadn’t done this in so long, years. Probably not since middle school. Maybe around the time Mom left. “Don’t make me ask again.” I nodded and pulled my shirt off. His belt slithered through the air and I whimpered a little when it connected against my back. It hurt more than I remembered. A lot more. It didn’t take long for me to be huddled on the floor, my hands protecting my neck and head. That didn’t make him stop. And it was a long, long time until he did. Everything was hazy, but I heard him hiss into my ear before he left. “It’s gonna be worse next time, and I’ll hurt him, too.” I broke inside. No one could hurt my Gee.

 

Gerard’s POV  
I was late to school. Bert never came to pick me up, so I ended up walking alone. At least I didn’t have to talk to Frank. I was rather angry with Bert, and I composed quite a long rant in my head that I knew I would never actually say to him. When I got to school, though, Bert wasn’t there and I got kind of worried.  
I sat alone and avoided people all day. I felt strange without Bert by my side, like I was doing something I wasn’t supposed to. I didn’t talk to anyone because I didn’t want to upset him when he did come back.  
I texted him a couple times during the day, but he didn’t respond. Finally, I called him and he declined my call. I decided to go over to his house. I was real worried that he’d get mad at me, but I was also worried about him. So I went.  
The lights were off and it looked like the house was empty, but I rang the doorbell anyway. I heard some thumping, then a grunt of pain, and the door swung open and Bert was there, have hidden by the door but that didn’t stop me from seeing the bruises on his face.  
“What happened to you?” I whispered. He looked angry but also sad and scared.  
“You shouldn’t have come here,” he said.  
“I was worried about you.”  
“Yeah, well, not everything’s about you and you should leave me alone!” I felt scared. I didn’t know what to do. I wanted to help but I didn’t want to anger him any more.  
“Can I do anything or do you want me to leave?” He sighed, then opened the door all the way.  
“You’re already here, so you might as well come inside.” I rarely went inside Bert’s house. I got the feeling that he wasn’t comfortable there, so we usually went to my house. The first floor was filthy, beer bottles lying everywhere. I followed Bert up the stairs to his room, which was like a sanctuary compared to the rest of the house. It was relatively neat, almost everything put away. The only thing that was out of place was the blood stain on the floor.  
“Bert? Is everything okay?”  
“Do you fucking think things are okay?” I shrank away, afraid he was going to hit me. HE looked at me sadly. “Hey, I’m sorry, Gee. I’ll tell you what happened if you promise not to tell anyone.”  
“I promise.”  
“Okay, my dad’s a fucking asshole and he got real pissed off last night, and beat me pretty bad.” He looked ashamed, as if it was his fault.  
“Oh my god. I’m so sorry.”  
“I don’t need you pity!” he snarled. “That was unfair of me. I’m sorry. I’m just feeling angry and I’m taking it out on you.” I sat down next to him on the bed and rested my head on his shoulder.  
“I’m going to take care of you,” I promised. “Does he do this often?” I was afraid about what the answer would be.  
“Never this bad.”  
“Do you know what set him off?”  
“I don’t want to talk about it. Can we talk about something else?”  
“Sure. I love you, Bert.”  
“I love you, too.”

Frank’s POV

Gerard wouldn’t even look at me during school. I tried to get his attention but he ignored me. He ignored everybody. He was up in his own little world and seemed to just float his way through the day. He looked lost without Bert.  
I thought about last night’s phone call. Gerard had seemed very upset, not surprising considering the way Mikey was going. What I couldn’t get out of my mind was hearing Gee in pain, and then so angry. It hurt that he was angry at me. I didn’t know what I did. Apparently I said something about him but I couldn’t think what. I would never say anything bad about him. I couldn’t.  
I wen through school in a haze, too. Ray tried to talk with me, and I nodded along but I wasn’t really there. My thoughts kept returning to Gerard and Bert and it was like my own personal hell. Everything was cloudy and i kept digging my nails into my skin, trying to get some feeing of being ground. It wasn’t working.  
During lunch, Ray sat down(and pulled me with him) at a different table. We were sitting with Pete, Mikey’s friend. He seemed down.  
“Hey. How’s Mikey doing?” Pete didn’t say anything but his entire body started shuddering from keeping in sobs. I patted his back awkwardly and just let him be. I felt like crying myself.  
After school, I went home and hid in my room. I sat inside my closet with all of the lights turned off. It was dark and it felt comfortable. Light hurt. It reminded me what I was missing. I had a blade in a box buried deep within the abyss known as my closet and I pulled it out. It was an X-acto knife and it was absolutely perfect. I flipped the blade around in my fingers before unwrapping it. It didn’t take long for the sharp to wash over me and I sank into the crystal numbness that helped so much. I was feeling but I also wasn’t and it just felt perfect. Perfectly fucked up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So please tell me if anyone's still reading this! I read through some of my old stuff and I'm thinking about rewriting a lot of it. I'm also going to try to write more, but I always say that, so we'll see. Okay! I love you all and stuff, so yeah! I'm so articulate.


	9. He Swears He Loves You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all. I'm going to be editing and reposting a lot of my previous works. Okay so for this chapter there's violence in the beginning and some manipulation at the end, but no self harm. Stay safe, my lovelies, and have a good day!

Gerard’s POV

The door slammed open and I jumped. It took a moment for the bright light and the screaming to register before I fully realized what was happening. It must’ve been real late at night, because Bert and I had fallen asleep on his bed. I felt comfortable and wanted, even loved. It was really nice. But then the lights flicked on and all hell broke loose.

I had never met Bert’s father, and that was a good thing. Bert had all but said that he was scared of is dad, and Bert wasn’t scared of anything! His dad barged into the room and yanked me off the bed and pinned me to the wall, his hands wrapped around my throat. I couldn’t comprehend what he was saying and he was shaking me and then he slapped me and things went bright. Bert shouted something I couldn’t understand, and his dad shoved me onto the ground and stalked over to him and the screaming only got louder and louder. His dad dragged Bert out of the room and pushed him down the stairs only to turn around and come back towards me. By that time, I was huddled in the corner, shaking and crying. He laughed and kicked me a few times before leaving, presumably to go after Bert.

I finally shook myself enough to think of calling for help, and I called the police. They came not long after and it wasn’t until they were loading Bert’s inert body into the ambulance that I understood what he had said to get his father away from me. He said, “Don’t hurt him. He doesn’t deserve to get hurt.”

The EMT wrapped me in a blanket and had me sit on the bench in the back of the ambulance. I sat staring blankly in front of me, shivering and dizzy. The ambulance reached the hospital and Bert was unloaded on the stretcher and I was helped down. The only thing I could really process was that we were at the hospital Mikey was at. I found that rather funny, and starting giggling to myself. I couldn’t stop chuckling even as they sat me in a wheel chair and delivered me into a room where I was helped onto the bed. 

A couple people buzzed around me, but no one seemed particularly worried, so I just zoned out. I heard my mom’s voice, and someone was saying, “… yeah, he’s fine, just some bruising and he appears to be in shock.” I felt a cool hand touch my hot one and I blinked a few times to clear my vision. My mom was looking at me, worried out of her mind. I gave her a lazy smile, then closed my eyes again. 

Things went in and out of focus, and I wasn’t sure how much time had passed before another voice joined the slurred sounds. The voice came closer, and then was right nearby.

“…Gerard. Gerard, can you hear me?”

“Mmhmm?”

“Gerard, I’m Officer Ross. Can you answer a few questions for me?” 

“Sure,” I murmured.

“Great. Can you tell me what happened?”

“I guess. I went to check on Bert because he wasn’t in school today and he said that his dad hurt him and then we must’ve fallen asleep because then his dad came in and he was really really angry.”

“Do you know why he was angry?”

“No.”

“What did he do?”

“He just hit me a little. Bert got him to stop. I’m not sure what happened to Bert after that.”

“Has Bert ever mentioned his dad being violent?”

“No. Well, not really. I knew he wasn’t that nice and drank a lot but I didn’t realize that he hurt Bert.”

“Did you think of telling anyone that Bert’s father hurt him?”

“No. Bert told me not to. He said it wasn’t a big deal.”

“Do you always do what Bert tells you to do?”

“Of course. He knows what’s best for me.” I must’ve said the wrong thing, because the officer started to follow that different path of questions.

“Has Bert ever been violent towards you? Hit you, or thrown something at you?”

“No. He wouldn’t. He loves me too much.” 

“Has he ever coerced or forced you to do something you didn’t want to do?”

“No.”

“Does he ever degrade you? Say mean things or insult you?”

“No, and if he does, it’s something I need to hear. He just cares about me, and he’s usually right anyways.” 

“Do you ever feel scared around him?”

“No.” The officer sighed, then forced a slight smile.

“Okay, Gerard, I’m going to leave. Is there anything else you think is important?” I shook my head. “Okay. Stay safe.”

 

 

Mikey’s POV

Pete was sitting in one of the chairs in the corner of the room doing homework. My vision hadn’t improved much, but I could see vague differences in light. He chattered inanely about anything random, trying to be cheerful and positive. I appreciated his efforts even though they were both ineffective and a little annoying. My mom was also in my room, but she rarely contributed to the conversation. Patrick stepped into the room and asked to speak to Mom for a moment, but I brushed it off. I couldn’t keep getting worried every time someone came in. 

Pete was saying some of the typical gossip, like who slept with whose boyfriend behind their friend’s back. It didn’t really matter to me, but hearing his voice was nice. It was comforting. I must’ve been smiling because Pete questioned me.

“What’re you thinking about?”

“You.”

“Anything good?” he asked.

‘It’s just nice. I like being with you.” I probably blushed. “You’re really great, you know?” 

“So are you, Mikey.” His voice got serious. “I’m gonna really miss you. A lot.” He sniffled, but tried to cover it up.

“Hey, Pete. Come here.” I sat up, leaving room on the end of the bed for him to sit on. “It’s going to be okay.” 

“Please don’t give me that bullshit. You’re dying and you’re leaving me and I just want to go with you.” His voice belied his anger, but also his fear.

“I didn’t know you still felt that way. You-You still want to die?” I was worried about him. 

“I never stopped.” My heart just broke a little. 

“Pete, promise me that when I’m gone, you’ll take care of yourself. I want you to have a good life. I want you to be happy. You deserve that.” I patted around, looking for his hand, and he tangled his fingers with mine. “You’re amazing. Really amazing.”

“I-I love you, Mikey,” he stammered. My heart did some contortionist’s trick. I really liked him, but I didn’t think it was love, but I didn’t want to leave him hanging.

“I-” I was cut off by my mom.

“Mikey, Gerard’s in the hospital,” she said, panicked. I was confused. “Something happened, and he got hurt.” 

“What?” 

“Yeah. He called the police and they brought him and Bert to the hospital. I don’t really know much else.” 

“Is he, are _they_ , okay?” 

“I don’t know.”

“Go check! I’ll be fine here with Pete.” 

“Thank you. I love you.”Neither Pete nor I said anything until the clicks of her heels faded down the hall.

“Shit, Mikey. I hope everything’s okay. Hey, can I do anything to help you?” 

“No. I don’t think so. Can you just keep me company? Please don’t leave.”

“I’d love to stay with you.” I curled up a little in the bed, and I barely heard him whisper, “I’ll never leave.”

 

 

Bert’s POV

Waking up in a hospital is _not_ fun. I felt stiff and sore and just achingly tired. I opened my eyes and the bright light made things a little hazy. It took a moment for everything to catch up and then I jerked upright. Gerard. Was he okay? He had to be! I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself if he was hurt. All I really remembered was my dad hurting Gee and then coming after me and then him pushing me down the stairs. Everything else was just kind of blurry.

It wasn’t long before a policeman came to talk to me. He kept asking me questions and I kept asking if Gee was okay and when I could see him. He finally said that I could talk to Gee after I finished answering the questions.

I was a little surprised that quite a few of the questions were about my relationship with Gee, not with my dad. I answered them mostly honestly. Because, yeah, I can and have been a little mean to Gee but I’ve never purposefully hurt him. 

There was a shy knock on the door and Gee poked his head in.

“Hey,” he whispered.

“Hey, Gee. Are you okay?” I scanned his face, and though there were bruises and scrapes, it didn’t look like anything was permanently damaged. 

“Yeah. How are you doing?I was really scared.”

“I’m fine.” He looked hesitant, like he wanted to say something but didn’t think he could. “Is everything alright?”

“The police guy asked me a lot of questions about our relationship. Like, do you ever hit me and things like that. I didn’t tell him you’ve, um, hit me a few times. Was that right?”

“Yeah, baby, you did great. If you tell them I’ve hit you, they might take it the wrong way and take me away from you. I don’t want you to be alone, and anyways, we both know that I didn’t mean anything. And you also kinda deserved it.” He looked a little ashamed, but overall he seemed okay.

“I love you, Bert.”

“I love you, too. I’m not going to let anyone take you away.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You made it! hmu in the comments if there's something you liked, didn't like, or something you want me to do. I like people talking to me, so even if it has nothing to do with writing, just say hi!


	10. Foster the People

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya friends! There aren't any major triggers, but it's more verbal than physical. So stay safe, love you all!

Pete’s POV

Mikey was sleeping quietly, leaving me alone with my thoughts. They weren’t good these days. I was scared. I was also embarrassed. I had the impulse to tell Mikey that I loved him. So stupid. I think that him loving me back would almost be worse than him never liking me in the first place. If he did love me, I was going to lose him anyways.

Patrick stepped into the room to check on Mikey.

“Hey, how’re you doing?” I sighed, and buried my face in my hands. He nudged my foot with his toe. “I’m worried about you, Pete. I said this earlier, but I want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself. It wouldn’t help for you to fall apart when he needs you.” 

“It’s too late,” I muttered.

‘Pete, are you sure you’re okay?” He crouched next to me and placed his hand on my shoulder.

“It should be me who’s dying. I’m the one who’s fucked up, who wants to die, and Mikey’s the one suffering,” I sobbed. “I wish I was dead!” Patrick wrapped his arm around me and I leaned into his chest. “What’s the point, Patrick? I already want to die and it’s only gonna get worse when he does.”

“Pete, the point of life, the point of _living_ , is to try and to care. Mikey is going to die. You can’t change that. But I know that he wouldn’t want you to die, too. He’d want you to keep living, to be happy. That would be the best way to honor him.” I sniffled a little. “People care about you. I care about you. I don’t want you to hurt yourself, so promise me that you’ll talk to someone if you need help.” I nodded.

“Promise.”

 

Bert’s POV

Gee had left not long ago to see his brother. I was drifting off when someone came into my room.

“Hello, Robert. I’m Mr. Urie, your social worker.” The man was tall and clean-cut.

“It’s Bert. Not to be rude, but why are you here?”

“Alright, Bert. Your dad was arrested and anyways we can’t send you back to live with him, considering that he caused your hospital stay.”

“So then, what?” I wasn’t happy to learn that I wasn’t going home.

“You’re still a minor, so you’re going to be placed in a foster home. We managed to get one arranged rather quickly, so when you get discharged I can drive you to your house so you can pack and then deliver you to your new home.” I took a deep breath; I needed to stay calm,

“Okay. Thank you very much.”

“Of course.” When I got out of the hospital, Mr. Urie let me out of the car. I went into my room. I probably wouldn’t be back for a long time. I grabbed some of my favorite clothes and hesitated before grabbing the sketch that Gee drew. I folded it up in my pocket. The next time I saw him, I’d ask him to give me a picture of himself so I could always be close to him. That sounded nice. 

The car horn honked and i walked down the stairs and locked the door behind me. I was’t gonna miss my dad but I was definitely going to miss my house. I shoved my backpack filled with clothes into the back seat and climbed in after it. 

The neighborhoods we drove through were getting nicer, not great but better than mine. I was surprised when we turned onto Gee’s street, but we drove past his house and stopped at a pleasant house a few doors down.

“Here we are!” I rolled my eyes at his enthusiasm, but I followed him up the front walk and rang the bell. The door swung open.

“Aw, hell no!”

 

Frank’s POV

When my mom said we were taking in a foster kid, I wasn’t too happy but it wasn’t a big deal since I got to keep my room. It turned into a **big** deal when the foster kid turned out to be Bert. I was _not_ happy, and by the looks of him, he wasn’t either. My mom stepped behind me.

“Hey, welcome. You must be Robert,”

“I prefer to go by Bert, and thank you for hosting me.” He had a charming smile that fooled my mom.

“It’s our pleasure. I know Frankie is just as happy, right?” Why did she have to call me Frankie? But I smiled and nodded along, waiting for the right moment to slip away. “Frank, why don’t you show Bert to his room?”

“I’d just love to!” She gave me a disapproving look that clearly said _Be nice_. She had no idea. I opened the door a little wider, and Bert followed me inside. His room was right across the hall from mine, so I pointed it out then headed into my own room.

“Hey, Frank? Can I speak with you for a moment?” He gave me a bright smile.

“Sure.” I stepped inside his room, and he dropped his bag on the bed.

“Can you do me a favor? Stay away from Gerard. He’s mine.” His cheerful mien dropped.

“Why don’t you do me, and Gerard, a favor? Stop hurting him.” Bert’s eyes darkened. “It’s obvious.”

“If you know what’s best for you, you’ll leave him alone.”

“And what, you’ll hurt me?” He grinned.

“No. I’ll hurt Gerard.”

“You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?” Because that was just low. He knew I didn’t want Gee to get hurt.

“I know.” He seemed almost satisfied, and I spun around and headed into my own room where I put on earbuds and drowned out the world. I kept pinching myself, just to keep me from floating away.

The walk to school in the morning was just great. Gerard walked with me as usual, but when he saw Bert, he gave him a hug. I looked disapprovingly at his bruises.

“I missed you,” he said, resting his head on Bert’s chest, who smirked at me before pulling Gerard into a kiss. I rolled my eyes and walked ahead. They were holding hands and Bert kept treating Gee like he was a toy. It pissed me off.

I snagged Gerard later to talk to him. He barely looked at me, but let me talk.

“I think you should stay away from Bert.”

“And why would I do that?”

“He’s not good for you. I see that he hurts you. It’s wrong.” His eyes went from blank and apathetic to fierce.

“I don’t fucking care,” he snarled. “You’re wrong. Bert doesn’t hurt me, he actually protects me and helps me, something you haven’t done. I don’t think you’re even capable of helping. I love Bert and he loves me, so leave me, leave us alone.” He walked away and I stood there, stunned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay I edited some of the previous chapters for spelling errors and things like that. If you see anything else, feel free to point it out. I post the moment I finish writing which isn't good but eh, oh well. Anyways, love you all!


	11. Please Don't Go, I Love You So

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hiya friends! So there's some self harm and quite a bit of abuse, some physical but a lot of manipulation as well as a bit of dubious consent at the end. So stay safe, have a good day and love you!

Gerard’s POV

I was really worried. Mikey wasn’t doing well and nor was Bert. They were my biggest supports and I was afraid that I would fall without them. Bert seemed different after what happened. It was nice that he was staying so close, but Frank made both of us uncomfortable. I could feel him watching us. I didn’t care. It just made me closer to Bert.   
We’d hold hands on the way to school, me leaning into Bert and him resting his head on top of mine. I felt comfortable with him when we were together like that. I thought that Bert was almost embarrassed that I saw what his father was like. He didn’t need to worry, I’d accept him no matter what. He loves me, and I love him, and that’s what counts.

Frank brushed past me and Bert pulled me closer, but I reached out and snagged Frank’s arm. I turned it over and pushed up his sleeve. I thought I had seen them earlier, and there they were: neat little lines running up his forearm. I looked at him, and he snarled before pulling his arm back. He stalked off, rubbing his arm lightly.

“Frank!” He didn’t look back. I took a step after him, but Bert held me back. His hand wasalmost bruising my bicep. He held me against his chest and I craned my head, trying to look at him. He lowered his head, and whispered into my ear.

“Don’t you _dare_ touch him again.” I tried to break free but he only tightened his grip.

“Bert, you’re hurting me.” He chuckled and I could feel his chest vibrating.

“Don’t you worry, babe. I won’t hurt you unless you deserve it.”

“Please let go of me.” 

“Promise me that you won’t talk to him.”

“Promise.”

“You promise what?”

“I promise I won’t talk to him.”

“And?”

“I love you, too. I love you very much.” He let go of my arm but tangled our fingers together and we continued our walk to school. We got there late, so Bert convinced me to not go to first period with him. And anyway, I needed to make it up to him. I don’t deserve him. He’s too nice to me. No one else would be able to put up with me. I smiled at him, and he smiled back. I was so lucky.

 

Pete’s POV

Frank and his friend Ray had started sitting with me at lunch. They tried to distract me, talking about music or really anything to distract me. Today was different, though. Frank seemed especially distraught, so I put in my earbuds but kept the music quiet so I could hear what they were saying. Frank was crying and it was hard for me to catch what was going on. He was rambling on about Gerard and Bert and then gestured toward his wrist, but when Ray reached over, he yanked his arm away. 

“Self harm’s more trouble than it’s worth,” I commented. Ray looked surprised but Frank was downright horrified. I pulled out an earbud. “I should know.”

“Fuck off. You don’t know anything,” Frank hissed. He’s furious and embarrassed but just really sad. 

“Does anyone know?”

“No, and you’re going to keep it that way.” He looked like he was about to start crying again.

“You know how people always say it’s going to get better? We both know that’s absolute bullshit, and even then, it’s the moment that matters. It’s in the moment that you struggle.” He looked down. “Someone very close to me helped bring me out of the moment. He helped me find a reason to not die. I’m still not living, but I’m not dead. Do you have a reason to not die?” He was sobbing by now, but I didn’t reach out to him. “Frank, you should tell someone.”

“No. It’s not that big of a deal.”

“Are you sure?” He nodded. “If you ever need anything, you can talk to me.” He just looked away and traced random shapes on the table with his finger, trying to distract himself. He didn’t think I noticed that he kept digging his nails into his skin, pinching himself hard on the underside of his arm. 

I hoped he will be able to find his Mikey.

 

Frank’s POV

I was honestly so done. School was only half over but I was _not_ going back to class. I hid in an empty classroom, the one that I talked to Gee in. It was dark and quiet, and I hid under a desk in the corner. With my earbuds in and my backpack up like another wall, I was able to feel slightly stable. I kept thinking about what Pete had said, and what lied beneath it. He seemed bitter. I wasn’t going to talk to anyone. I didn’t need to draw any more attention to myself. I just wanted to fade away.

God, I’m so _stupid_! How could I have let Gerard see my arm? Now he knew, and if he knows, Bert definitely knows. Soon the whole school will know and I’ll be even more alone than I already am.

Pete said I need to find a reason to not die. I wanted Gerard to be my reason. He didn't want anything to do with me. I felt so _sad_. I was tempted to hurt, to cut, myself. I found an old pencil sharpener and wrestled the blade out. My hand slipped when the door open, and I hissed in pain. It went a lot deeper than I wanted, and it was bleeding quite a lot. 

The door closed, but the lights weren’t turned out, so I assumed no one was there, until I heard someone crying. It sounded like Gee. I wanted to go help him, talk to him, but he wouldn’t want it. I went over anyway. I shoddily bandaged my arm and thanked the nonexistent gods that there wasn’t any blood on my shirt.

He jumped when I tapped his shoulder. He looked up at me and he looked so sad, so hopeless, but also really pissed. 

“Stay away from me!” he hissed, shrinking away. 

“I’m so sorry, Gee, for whatever I did.”

“Don’t talk to me! Don’t call me Gee. Please, just leave me alone.” He was not quite crying but I heard him whisper to himself, “He’s mad enough as it is.”

“Gerard, you don’t have to let him treat you like that. You deserve better.” He shook his head, and started really crying. I sat down next to him and wrapped my arm around him. He tightened up, trying to pull away from me. “You deserve to be happy, Gerard. You deserve to feel loved and to feel safe.” He continued crying, huddled up on the floor, rocking back and forth. He was absolutely distraught. I didn’t know what to do. I tried to hold him tighter and he pulled himself away just as the door opened.

“What the fuck is going on?” Bert exploded into the room, absolutely furious. I wasn’t sure who he was more mad at, me or Gerard. All I knew was the he was _mad_. Gerard was still curled up, still crying and Bert wrenched him up. Gerard was slammed against the wall and Bert whispered something I couldn’t hear, before he released Gerard, who swayed for a moment before crumpling back onto the floor. He was still crying. He turned to me.

“I thought I told you to stay the fuck away from him!” I nodded, and he slapped me. “I told you what would happen if you didn’t, right? Whatever happens next is _your fault_. Remember that.” He walked back over to Gerard, and crouched down next to him. “Hey, baby, are you okay?” Gerard nodded slightly, and leaned into Bert. “If you had listened to me, you wouldn’t have gotten hurt. I don’t want to hurt you. You know I love you.” He nodded again, and sniffled. “Come one. You can make it up to me.” Bert helped Gerard to his feet, and Bert supported him as they walked out the room. My cheek still stung, but I was scared for Gerard. I didn’t know how to help him without hurting him at the same time. I was so lost.

 

Bert’s POV

Frank should’ve known better. He made this harder than it needed to be. Gee was crying and I was mad at him, too. He shouldn’t have been near Frank at all. I needed to make sure he’d learn his lesson. School was just about over, so we walked to Gerard’s house. It was especially good because we didn’t have to deal with Frank.

No one was home, which was perfect. He sniffled as we went downstairs to his room. I sat down on the bed. 

“Come here, baby.” He sat down next to me and I pulled him closer. He stiffened, but then relaxed. “You know I love you.” He nodded. “Gerard. I need you to look at me.” He did, and his gaze wavered under my own. I kissed his forehead. “You knew you weren’t supposed to talk to him.”

“I’m sorry, Bert.”

“And what are you going to do about it?”

“I’ll try harder. I’ll do better next time.”

“And why will you do that?”

“Because I love you and need you.” His eyes were hazed. “Please don’t leave me. I’ll do anything. I need you.”

“And what should you do?”

“I don’t know.”

“I think you do.” He sniffled, but didn’t protest as I started to kiss him, pinning him beneath me on the bed. He only really started crying later after he thought I had fallen asleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I'm trying to wrap up my stories soon so if you have any ideas, I'd love to hear them.


	12. The Hardest Part of This is Leaving You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey you guys. There aren't much self harm/abuse triggers this chapter but some really sad things happen. Also known as major character death.

Frank’s POV

I wasn’t surprised that Gerard was completely avoiding me. He kept his head down and eyes firmly fixed onto the ground as we walked to school. Bert had his arm around his shoulders, and smirked at me. I flipped him off. He just pulled Gerard closer. 

We split apart when we got to school, and I met up with Ray, who took one look at my face and knew what was going on.

“You’re mad. And scared? Bert did something, right?” 

“God fucking damn it!” I kicked the locker and cringed at the noise. 

“Dude, you need to calm down.” Ray was trying to placate me, but I started to rant.

“He’s so awful to Gerard and Gee just puts up with it! I don’t get it. He deserves better.”

“He deserves someone like you?” Ray commented.

“Exactly!” Ray gave me a pointed look. “Shit. I’m starting to sound like him, aren’t I?” He nodded. “Dude, I’m screwed.”

“You kind of are.”

“Thanks a lot.” I rolled my eyes. “You’re _such_ a great friend.” 

“I know. I’m fantastic and you would be dreary and depressed without me.” He nudged me gently.

“Yeah, you’re pretty great.” I smiled at him. “Thanks for putting up with me.”

“No problem. That’s what friends are for, yeah?” I nodded. “Come on. Let’s go hit up the cafeteria before school starts. Nothing says good morning better than a cup of overpriced crappy coffee!” I laughed and we headed down the halls.

The day did get better. We sat with Pete again at lunch, and it was nice. We mutually benefited from each other. Ray and I had each other, but Pete only really had Mikey, so it was great to have a new friend. Pete fit in with the two of us perfectly. We liked the same music, were heavily invested in playing said music, and had overall the same interests. I wished we had talked to each other sooner, because Pete was actually kind of cool.

We were in the middle of a heated debate over whether playing bass(Pete) or guitar(me and Ray) was better. Guitar, of course, was. But then Gerard came over with Bert in tow. Gee ignored me while Bert just stared me down. I tried to hold eye contact but had to look away.

“Pete, we need to go. Something’s wrong with Mikey.” Pete nodded and stood up.

“See you later.” They headed out, Bert’s arm as always slung across Gerard’s shoulders, holding him possessively. 

 

Mikey’s POV

I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t know what. All I knew was I was in a _lot_ of pain. I couldn’t move without making it worse, and if I would have been able to see, I definitely couldn’t now because of the pain. It made everything blurry. It was like being underwater at a concert. I couldn’t hear anything. 

I was crying, probably, and I felt a cool hand on my arm. Someone was talking to me, but I couldn’t understand very well, but I tried hard hard hard to focus.

“Mikey, Mikey are you there?” I nodded, barely. “Oh thank God!” It was my mom. “Gerard and Pete are on their way.” There was a pause. “Mikey, I love you.” I twitched a smile.

“Love you too,” I mouthed. I really did love my mom. I was lucky she supported me so much and I was so sad that she had to watch me die. I knew I was dying. I guess I had just hoped it would’ve been while I was asleep, so it wouldn’t have been so painful. 

There was a flurry of noise and I drifted out for a moment only to be drawn back in by someone repeating my name. I moaned. 

“Hey, Mikey. It’s Gee. I’m going to miss you.” His voice broke. “I’m going to miss you a lot. I really love you.” He squeezed my hand and I tried to squeeze back. I didn’t have any strength, but it was enough for him to feel it, as he squeezed a little harder then let go. I could hear him crying. It must’ve been Pete who was standing next to me, then, because I felt someone else touch me gently.

“Hey, Mikey.” He sniffled. “Thank you. Thank you so much.” He sniffled again. “I love you.”

“Love you,” I rasped. He started crying.

“I’m going to miss you. Please don’t leave me.” He was crying hard now, but I was having difficulty paying attention. I tried hard to listen but the sounds around me were coming in and out and blending together. I just let them wash me away.

 

Pete’s POV

Mikey fell asleep around an hour ago. Gerard and his mom were sitting next to him, and I was on the floor by the bed. Bert was leaning against the wall in the corner, obviously uncomfortable. There were a few hospital personnel flitting around us but I didn’t notice them much because I knew there was nothing they could do. I wasn’t crying anymore, just sniffling a little. I was playing music in my head, trying to remember how to play certain passages, anything to take my mind off of being here. I just wanted everything to go away. I wanted to run away. I wanted to leave the room and never come back but I knew that I would never forgive myself if I left Mikey now. 

I watched the heart monitor and the line flicked as it changed but it was getting slower and smaller. When it finally stopped, there wasn’t a long harsh beep like in the movies. The doctor turned off the monitor.

“Time of death 15:37. I offer you my condolences. I’m sorry, Mrs. Way.” No one said anything; no one moved. Then Gerard started sobbing, shaking shoulders and everything. Bert went over and sat next to him, holding him and trying to comfort him. Mrs. Way just sat there, looking shocked and pale. She was still holding Mikey’s hand. I bolted.

I needed to get out of there. I couldn’t stand seeing Mikey’s body just lying there. He wasn’t there anymore. He was gone and he was never coming back and _I was all alone_. I felt selfish for pitying myself but I wanted him, I needed him. I needed Mikey. What was the point, even? I hadn’t died yet because I was here for Mikey and now he left me and there’s no point in staying alive anymore. If I died, I might be with Mikey again. I wanted to be with him. I sat down in the hallway and curled up against the wall. Mikey was gone he was gone he was gone gone gone gone. And I wasn’t. 

“Hey, hey. Try and take a deep breath, okay? Try to calm down.” Patrick was crouched next to me, speaking softly.

“He’s dead.” Patrick looked at me sadly.

“I know, sweetie.” He sat down next to me, and I rested my head on his shoulder. 

“What do I do now? I want to die, too,” I whimpered. He looked at me.

“You stay strong.”

“Like you even know.” He sighed.

“You know, Pete, when I was younger my sister was very sick. She had cystic fibrosis, and even though it wasn’t that long ago, the life expectancy was a lot shorter than it is now. She would’ve been twenty if- Never mind. It doesn’t really matter.”

“It does matter. You cared for her a lot. I can tell.”

“Watching her die. It was awful. You can probably imagine.” He made a self deprecating chuckle.

“Does it get easier? Missing her, I mean.”

“Yeah. It’s hard, but finding someone else to care for helps.”

“Is that why you became a nurse?” He nodded.

“I wanted to be able to help people. It kind of backfired. I can’t help people any more than I could when I was just a kid.”

“You’ve helped me a lot.” He looked at me.

“Thanks, Pete.”

“You’re welcome.” He was still looking at me, and he smiled a bit. Then he kissed me. I was shocked. I quickly pulled away and stood up. “What the hell?” I turned and walked off.

“Pete, wait!” I didn’t look back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry about that. A lot of sadness but it'll end up alright.


	13. Unapologetic Apathy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry I haven't updated in a few weeks. Life's been kinda like a sledge hammer, so I've been a little distracted.  
> **Warning**  
> This chapter has a lot of abuse, as in violence, emotional abuse, manipulation and sexual abuse. I don't write explicit sex, but still be careful. It's in the middle section.   
> Just on a side note, I updated the warnings, adding rape/non-con and alcohol abuse.

Bert’s POV

I had never seen anyone so sad. Gee was curled up, looking so small. He was shaking and crying and holding on to my hand so tight it hurt a little. I honestly didn’t know what to do. I sat next to him and he clung to me, my shirt already damp from him crying. I just held him.

“Shh, baby. It’s going to be okay,” I whispered into his hair. He just pressed himself up tighter against me. “I’m not going to leave you. I’m never going to leave you.” 

“He’s gone. I want him back, it-it’s not fucking fair!”

“I know, baby, I know. But I’m here for you. Come on, we should probably get you home.” He shook his head, but I extricated myself from his arms and picked him up, bridal style. He was light, lighter than I had expected. He held tight to my neck, and I carried him outside, and set him in the passenger seat of my car. I felt a tap on my shoulder, and I turned around to see a nurse, Patrick, standing behind me.

“Hey, man, what do you want?” He sighed, and handed me a slip of paper.

“Can you give that to Pete, tell him I’m sorry?” I rolled my eyes.

“Fine, dude.” He grinned, and patted my shoulder.

“Great!” He looked behind me and saw Gee in the car crying. “Take care of him.”

“I will.” 

The car ride to Gerard’s house was quiet, except for Gee’s quiet sniffling. I parked on the street and opened the car door.

“Come on, Gee. We’re at your house.” He didn’t move, so I sighed before picking him up again and carrying him inside. I laid him down on his bed and turned off the light.

“Can you stay?” His voice was quiet, and broke a little. “I-I understand if you don’t want to, but I don’t want to be alone. Please don’t get mad.” He punctuated it with a sniffle.

“Of course, baby. I’m here for you.” I lied down on the bed next to him, and he latched himself to my arm, hugging close to me.

“Thank you. I’m so lucky to have you. I love you.” I kissed the top of his head. 

“I love you, too.”

 

Gerard’s POV

Mom made me go school the next day “to try and keep a normal schedule.” I’d ditch, but I knew she’d get mad and she was dealing with enough right now. Bert supported me on the way to school, while Frank kept giving me furtive glances, filled with pity. I steadfastly ignored him.

School was _so_ fun. People kept staring; I wasn’t just the weird loner kid anymore. I was the weird loner kid whose brother just died. It made me even more of an oddity, something to stare at. They were curious, and maybe felt a little bad, but their eyes felt like I was being dissected. I felt so exposed.

Even the teachers had caught the pity-Gerard bug. If I had a dime for every time someone said “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I’m here for you, if you need anything,” I’d have enough money to cure cancer. I honestly just wanted to scream. I debated going to my usual haunt in that empty classroom, but every time I went there, Frank found me and I definitely did not want to talk to him. I especially didn’t want to make Bert mad. I needed him far more than he needed me, and I was lucky he stayed with me. He could probably find someone so much better. I sighed, and doodled on the edge of my notes, pretending to pay attention, though it didn’t really matter. I got a free pass to do whatever I wanted, because I had “just suffered a traumatic loss” and that didn’t even begin to describe what I was feeling.

Bert sat with me at lunch as usual, fending off the starers and well-wishers. Still, a few brave souls came up to talk to me, but I didn’t respond. I didn’t talk at all, not even to Bert, who was getting a little irritated.

“C’mon, Gee. You shouldn’t be so quiet.” I just sighed in response. He sighed. “Fine. We can talk about this later. I’m coming over after school. I don’t think you should be alone.” He sounded angry, but I was too sad to care.

Pete sat down with us for a moment, and we just looked at each other. I gave him a weak smile, more like a grimace, which he returned. Frank was hovering near us with his friend Ray, wanting to sit but not feeling welcome. Pete got up, and the three of them sat somewhere else. Thank god for small mercies.

Bert kept his arm tight around my shoulders, protective but controlling. I shrugged him off, and he gripped my arm tight, pulling me closer.

“Don’t.” So I leaned into him and let him wrap me in his arms, feeling less safe than before.

When we got home(finally), the house was dark, even though I knew my mom hadn’t gone to work. Bert went up to my room while I looked for her. I found her in the kitchen, asleep with a nearly empty bottle of vodka and an ashtray filled with cigarette butts. She was clutching a photo of a younger Mikey, and other picture frames were scattered around on the table. I emptied the ash tray and straightened up the photos. I poured the rest of the vodka down the drain, checking for other drinks in the liquor cabinet. Before I went upstairs, I laid a blanket on my mom. I needed to take care of her. She, and Bert, were all I had.

Bert was looking pissed off when I finally got upstairs. I tried to apologize, explaining that I was helping my mom, but he silenced me with a wave of his hand. I gulped; he was not in a good mood.

He walked over and shut the door and locked it. He then pushed me against the wall, pinning my wrists above my head. 

“Do you think I’m an idiot?” 

“What do you mean?” I was confused. He slapped me.

“Did I say you can speak?” I shook my head. “Do you want me to leave you?” I shook my head again. “Then fucking act like you care.” His voice softened. “I understand that this is difficult for you, but get over it. You’re fucking weak.” He released me and flopped down on my bed. 

“I’m sorry,” I whispered.

“You’re _sorry_? Shut the fuck up. You’re such a liar. I don’t know why I even put up with you.” I started crying. I couldn’t help it. I knew it would just make him more mad but I couldn’t stop. He groaned. “For god’s sake, you’re crying. Now I’m the bad guy! How can I be the bad guy when you’re the one who doesn’t care about me? I honestly don’t get why I’m still wasting my time with you.” I was silently mouthing “I’m sorry” over and over, while he just rolled his eyes. “And don’t think I don’t know what you’ve been doing behind my back. You’re such a whore, fucking just about everyone. You’re a slut and deserve to be treated like one.”

He got up and walked back over to me. I stared at the floor, afraid. He grabbed my chin and tilted my head so I had to make eye contact. “You’re going to have to make this up to me. You have to show me you love me.” I nodded. “Say it.”

“I-I love you.”

“Do you? Prove it.” I sniffled, but nodded the best I could with him still holding my chin. “I knew it. You’re such a slut.”

 

Frank’s POV

I woke up around two in the morning when Bert tried to sneak back into my house. I sometimes forgot that he lived here, since he avoided being anywhere near me. He rustled around in his room next door to mine, then flicked the light off. I was about to fall asleep again when I heard muffled crying. He sounded so distraught, and I was tempted to talk to him, but I didn’t. It wasn’t my problem and I didn’t want to have to deal with him. 

Gerard wasn’t there in the morning, and I looked at Bert, who looked guilty, but didn’t say anything. I didn’t ask. I didn’t want to get tangled up with them. It would only hurt me and probably hurt Gerard, too. It was better to just stay away.

Pete was understandably despondent. He still sat with me and Ray, but didn’t really talk. We tried to cheer him up, but I didn’t think there was much we could do. Mikey was Pete’s best friend, and likely more than just a friend. He sat there with his head resting on his arms, completely apathetic. I felt useless, so I slid my iPod and earbuds over to him. He gave me a ghost of smile, and jammed the earbuds in. He turned up the music so loud I could hear the heavy guitar and the singer’s strident voice. He was listening to angry music, the type that didn’t make you feel better, just different. And sometimes different was the best you could hope for.

To my horror, Bert actually deigned to stop at our table. He sat down, looking repulsed at us. Pete was off in his own little world and Ray was steadfastly ignoring Bert, so it was just me and him looking at each other. I was the first to crack.

“What do you want?”

“I need to talk to Pete. Alone. As in without you and your friend.” I sighed, and stood up.

“Come on, Ray. Pete, we’ll see you later, yeah?” He nodded, so we left. 

It was only a couple minutes later that Pete caught up to us in the hallway.

“Hey, Frank. Thanks for letting me listen to your music.”

“It’s not a big deal. Anything for a friend.” He almost smiled.

“It _is_ a big deal. So thank you.”

“So what did Bert want?” He hesitated, so I backtracked. “I mean, you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

“Nah, it’s fine. He just needed to pass along a message from an, uh, acquaintance. Nothing important.” He shuffled his feet, switching his weight back and forth, obviously nervous. I didn’t point it out. I didn’t want to make him more uneasy.

“Okay.” I shrugged. “If you need anything, just hit me up.” He did smile this time, if barely so. 

“I might actually take you up on that. I need some advice on something. Do you think we could talk after school or something?”

“For sure. I’m here for you.” 

“Thanks. You’re a good friend.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You've made it through unlucky chapter 13! This is officially the longest thing I have ever written in my entire, albeit short, life. So thanks for reading and I don't know, just being here/giving me motivation to actually write, otherwise I'd never finish anything. So thanks, and have a good day! Love you all.


	14. Alive No Longer My Amour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people. Triggers for this chapter aren't that prominent, mostly just allusions to the previous chapter. But here you go and enjoy?

Pete’s POV

Frank was pretty cool. I was incredibly grateful that he didn’t question me on our way to meet Patrick. I was just scared and I didn’t want to go alone but I _definitely_ didn’t want to explain it to Frank. I was just glad for the company. We took the bus and didn’t say much, but it was fine. I was nervous and Frank was just out of it.

I had asked Patrick to meet up in a public place, so the coffee shop in the avant-garde hippie part of town was good. It was crowded but everyone was so wrapped up in themselves we wouldn’t be bothered. 

Patrick was sitting at a table near the window, already with a cup of coffee. The door chimed when I opened it, and Patrick looked up. He brightened when he saw me, but then furrowed when he saw Frank. Frank was looking really out of his element, hunched over with his hands shoved in his pockets. I wasn’t feeling much more comfortable, but I gently nudged forward and guided Frank over to Patrick’s table.

“You didn’t tell me you were bringing a friend,” he commented when we sat down.

“I didn’t think it mattered.” As I said, I didn’t want to go alone. “Does it?” He looks at me petulantly, so Frank stands up.

“I’m going to get something to drink. You want anything, Pete?” I shook my head so he left, patting my shoulder as he passed by. I sighed and leaned back in my chair. We sat there for a few moments. He was nervous, I was nervous. It was bad. No one was ever going to say anything so I just blurted something out.

“What the fuck were you thinking?” He cringed. Great job, Pete. I gave myself a mental pat on the back for being so articulate. “I mean, you kissed me. I’m sixteen, for God’s sake!” 

“I know. And I’m so sorry.” He looked sad, ashamed even. I dragged my hand down my face. 

“Bert said you wanted to talk to me. What do you want?”

“I just want to apologize. I really overstepped a boundary-“

“You think?” I interjected. “You kissed me, someone who is about a decade younger, right after my boyfriend died!”

“He was your boyfriend?” I nodded. “I didn’t realize. That makes what I did even worse. So I’m very, very sorry.” He looked at me, pleading a little.

“So what do you want?”

“I don’t know.” He sighed. “I want us to be friends.”

“Don’t you think that’s a little weird?”

“God dammit Pete, I’m trying here!’ Frank slipped back to the table. He just looked at Patrick, who calmed down, before looking guiltier than before. Frank hands me a small cup of coffee.

“Thought you might need this.”

“Thanks. You’re a good friend.” I smiled at Frank and he smiled back. “Okay, Patrick. We’ll try being friends. Please, just give me space if I need it.”

“Yes. Yes, of course!” He looked so relieved.

 

Gerard’s POV  
“Gee. Hey, Gee, baby, come on.” Bert was gently shaking my shoulder. “Gerard. I’m serious. You have to get up.” I rolled over. “ _Gerard._ ” I understood that tone, so I immediately sat up. He smiled. “Good boy, Gee.” 

I stretched and winced in pain. I was sore. I looked in the mirror and gently prodded one of my many bruises. Bert come up behind me and snaked his arms around my waist. I leaned into him, and he rested his chin on my head. “I’m sorry about that, Gee, but it really was your fault.”

“I know, I’m sorry, Bert. You know I love you?”

“I love you, too.” We stood there for a few more moments, feeling safe and warm. Eventually, though, we had to actually get ready for school, for the day. I was dreading going to school more than usual, but I didn’t want to make Bert mad again. I needed him. Long sleeves were a must, as well as sloppily applied concealer to mask some of the bruises on my face. It didn’t do much, but it was better than nothing. And no one was close enough to me to actually notice besides Bert, and he wasn’t going to say anything.

Mom was in her room, lights off and blinds closed. I stood outside of her door, about to knock, then changed my mind. I didn’t want to be a bother. 

The sun was really bright, and I squinted when I went outside. Frank was just leaving when we left my house, but he gave me a strange, keen look. I averted my eyes. I should’ve known better than to make eye contact, especially with Frank, so when Bert pulled me closer, I let him. He knew what was best for me, after all. He always had. And, anyway, he was warm and cozy. I liked being held by him. 

I had missed a few tests due to life, but one of my teachers just gave me an alternative assignment, so instead of a _fun_ test analyzing the specifics of _Huckleberry Finn_ , I got to write an essay. So much better. At least I didn’t have to study. Or read the book. That was a definite bonus, so I got started on my lovely essay on something like how society affects how we represent ourselves. It was pretty simple. We display to others what will cause us the least amount of trouble. People don’t want to get hurt, so they don’t try to stand out, or if they do, they face the consequences. People were sheep. So was I, but still. It was a little shameful about how everyone just tried acquiesce to “normal.” But the essay was written quickly, which left me some time to draw, more like doodle. Zombies were always fun to draw. 

I sat with Bert, per usual, at lunch. I didn’t bring a lunch, but I hadn’t in a long while; I didn’t need to gain any weight. I slipped my hand into Bert’s and relaxed when he didn’t pull away. He didn’t like it when I touched him first, but I was feeling so sad and lonely that I needed some comfort. I was feeling dizzy, from tiredness or sadness or hunger, or probably all three, and he always supported me. But when I stood up after the bell rang, I keeled over. 

 

Frank’s POV

Gerard just collapsed, all crumpled on the floor. I was up out of my seat and next to him promptly, even though I knew I wasn’t wanted. Bert shoved me out of the way and knelt down next to Gerard, clutching his hand. I crouched down next to him, anxious, and Pete helped to repel the spectators, while a teacher tried to get through. Gerard sat up after a moment, though, looking dazed. He blinked as he looked around, then again before his eyes really cleared.

“What happened?” he slurred.

“You fainted,” I said, gently. He looked at me, neutrally, before remembering he hated me and glanced away, focusing on Bert instead.

“I was worried about you, baby. I want you to be okay.”

“Yeah. Yeah I think I’m fine.” He tried to stand up, but wobbled before slumping over again. 

“You’re not fine.” Bert stared at me, as if offering a momentary truce. I nodded, and we picked him up together to carry him to the nurse’s office. He was disturbingly light. Once we got him there, I was immediately sent away with a glare from Bert and a warning from the nurse that we shouldn’t have carried Gerard ourselves and should’ve waited for someone responsible. I rolled my eyes when she turned around. No one “responsible” was doing anything, but I left anyways. 

Pete and Ray were standing outside the office for me. It was nice having actual friends for once. They were both worried about Gerard, but I said he’d probably be fine. Ray went back to class, but I couldn’t care less, so Pete and I skipped, hiding out in my favorite empty classroom.

“You have a crush on Gerard.” It wasn’t a question.

“Is it that obvious?”

“Yeah.” I blushed. “Don’t worry, I think it’s kind of sweet.” I stuck out my tongue.

“Thanks.”

“I think you guys would be cute together. You should say something to him.”

“And then what? Face the wrath of Bert? And Gerard hates me for some reason.” He patted my shoulder.

“Still, I think you would be adorable together.” I rolled my eyes and lightly shoved him.

“Thanks, dork.”

“No problem, it was my pleasure.”

“Sooo, you going to tell me about your ?” It was Pete’s turn to get flustered, and I smirked at him.

“He’s just an acquaintance.”  
“An acquaintance who’s clearly enamored with you.”

“R-Really?” He was definitely blushing. I nodded. He rubbed his eyes and sighed, then flopped down on the floor. “I’m really confused about this whole thing.” He waved his hands in the air. “Like, he’s like 25 and I’m 16 and my boyfriend just _died_ and he all of the sudden comes in and tries to sweep me off my feet like Prince Charming but it’s more like Nurse Patrick and Pete the fucked up teen in distress, because I’m no damsel.”

“I’d offer you relationship advice, but as mine have totaled to a whopping zero, I would be of no help. I can, however, listen to you rant if that would make you feel better.” He nodded.

“You’re pretty cool, Iero.”

“I know. But you are, too, Wentz. Anyways, carry on with the ranting.”

“I just don’t know what to do. Is it weird that I don’t mind that Patrick kissed me after having, like, five full conversations? I feel like we should know each other better, and he’s so much older, and this makes me feel really uncertain, but I also want to get to know him better. I don’t want to end up alone, Frank. I’ve-I had always loved Mikey and it was going to be him or no one, but he’s gone now and I don’t _want_ it to be no one. I want to feel wanted.”

“I want you. And not in the romantic way, but in the friend way. It sounds cheesy, but I really like you.”

“Thanks,” he sniffled.

“So here’s my suggestion: take it slow and talk to Patrick. Communication is key, you know!” I said with a winning smile. “But seriously. Talking to him can’t hurt, just say what you’re feeling. I can come with you again if you want. And I’m going to be invalidating, but you’re 16. You might be a little young to worry about being alone in the future. You’ll only have a future if you make yourself one.”

“Thanks, dude. You’ve helped.”

“I try.”

“You’re so full of it.” He nudged me. I nudged back.

“And that’s why you like me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you guys!


	15. It's a Disastrophe

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey people so this chapter is really rough. List of triggers includes violence but also a LOT of implied violence/coerced sex. Also, Bert does something that will make you hate him even more, so it's the end of the first part. Also there's a bit of restricting eating and implied self-harm, but no description of the self harm. And alcohol. Yeah, if I missed anything, please call me out. I want everyone to be and feel safe. Love you!

Bert’s POV

The nurse let Gerard go after he drank some water and ate something small. I was grateful and angered that she was so inept at her job. I wanted Gee to be okay, but I also wanted him to be with me. He’s not going to want to be with me for much longer. He was going to leave me, I could feel it. And I needed to do whatever I could to keep him.

School had over an hour left, but Gee and I went to his house, him with a legitimate excuse, and me taking advantage of said legitimate excuse. He was ill, so he needed his boyfriend. Made sense to me, and it made enough sense to the office people, so they excused us for the rest of the day.

Gee was about to pass out again by the time we got to his house, so I practically carried him upstairs. He curled up immediately on his bed. I shook him.

“Hey, Gee. Gerard. You need to take your shoes off.” He feebly swatted at me when I started to unlace his shoes.

“ ‘M tired.”

“I know, baby. You can go to bed soon. I just need you change out of your school clothes.”  
“Don’t wanna.” 

“I’ll help you.” I rifled through his dresser, and picked out a pair of sweatpants and an old shirt. They smelled like him. The shoes were already off, so I unzipped his jeans.

“Noo. ‘M too tired.”

“Help me get your clothes off to change and then you can go to sleep.” That worked, so he wriggled a little, helping me pull his jeans off. I got his shirt off, too. He looked so small and almost peaceful. I needed him; I needed to keep him. But what if he left me? I had to do something. I pulled out my phone and took a few snapshots of Gerard’s naked body. My heart was racing and my mouth was dry. I felt disgusting and exhilarated and overwhelmed. Then I helped Gee into some clean clothes so he could sleep.

“Gerard? I’m gonna head out. You need anything?” He didn’t say anything, just breathed. He was fast asleep. I slipped out, and closed the door softly.

 

Pete’s POV

I went over to Frank’s house after school. We were sitting in his room, listening to some music, when Bert practically sprinted up the stairs.

“He lives here?”

“Yeah. My mom thought it was a good idea to foster someone.” I sighed in sympathy. Mikey had never been a big fan of Bert, and I wasn’t either. He flopped backwards onto his bed. “Dude, I’m so confused right now. I really like Gerard, and he doesn’t like me. Did you and Mikey always like each other?” 

“Not really. I pined for him for such a long time, before I actually had the courage to say something. I wish I had said something sooner.”

“When did you know you liked him so much?”

“When I couldn’t imagine living without him.” We both got quiet.

“How did you know that I-I cut?” His voice was quiet and ashamed.

“It’s kind of obvious if you recognize the signs. It takes one to know one, you know? And I keep the volume low on my earbuds because I actually want my hearing when I’m older.”

“You cut?”

“Not much, but yeah.” Frank rubbed his eyes.

“Jesus Christ, we make a happy pair.”

“Hey, we should do something. Something to knock you out of your funk.”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Do you want to see Patrick again?” He nodded, so we headed out.

Patrick sent me his address. Even though he was expecting us, he opened the apartment door warily.

“Hey, Pete.” He ran his hand through his hair and yawned. “And, Frank, right? Anyways, come on in.” The apartment was small, but neat. We sat down in his living room, on big, soft, and faded sofas. “So, do you guys want something to drink? I have water, coffee, soda, beer. You’re underage, so never mind.”

“Actually, Patrick, I’d like a beer.” He gave me a disappointed look, which I returned. He sighed.

“What about you, Frank?”

“I’m fine with water.” Patrick came back with a glass of water and a beer bottle and sat next to me on the couch. We sat silently for a while, Frank looking bored and Patrick looking uncomfortable. I finished my beer.

“Pete, I’m leaving. I have some homework to do.” Frank stood up. “Patrick, thanks for having me over.” 

“No problem.” He left. We still sat quietly. 

“Patrick, can I have another beer?”

“Only one more.” I nodded. Three “one more” beers later, I was feeling pretty good. But also really tired, so I stretched out, and started to doze a little. “Pete. I think it would be a good idea for you to go home.”

“I have a better idea.” I gave him a lazy smile. I slid closer to him, and leaned over, my lips almost touching his.

“Pete, you’re drunk. I think you should go.” I straddled his lap. It felt good to be this close to someone.

“Do you still want me to go?”  
“I don’t think we should be doing this. I don’t want you to do something you’ll regret.” I kissed him, hard. “ _Pete._ You should stop.”

“I think that you want this just as much as I do. I can,” I smirked. “Feel it. Don’t worry, ‘Trick. I’ll take care of you.”

 

Gerard’s POV

The alarm was beeping and I punched the snooze button. A few times. And then when I finally woke up, it was too late and took too much effort to go to school. My head felt like it was stuffed with cotton, fuzzy and dizzy. I went back to bed. I was too proud to cry myself to sleep, so I held it in, not so successfully.

I actually got up around two. The room was spinning and I felt woozy. I couldn’t remember the last time I had drank anything, much less eaten a full meal. The kitchen was empty, and so was the fridge, but I found an open box of snack bars. The 100 calorie kind. A nice, round number. I ate two, and unwrapped a third before I stopped myself. My hands were shaking. _Control_. I needed control. I threw out the last few granola bars and started pacing. I was shivering and it wasn’t even cold. The walls were closing in and I could swear that the ceiling was laughing at me. I curled up, as tight as I could, wedged underneath the coffee table. It was almost too small, but just barely right-sized that I felt safe. And the ceiling couldn’t see me.

I felt so exposed when someone tried to extract me from my hiding spot. I started thrashing, kicking at whoever was there.

“God damn it.” My wrists were pinned above my head against the floor. I started crying. “Jesus Christ. Gerard, calm down!” I tried to curl up again but I was held in place.

“Leave me alone,” I whimpered.

“Gee, I’m trying to help you.”

“Leave me alone!” Kicking again, I tried to wriggle free. My foot connected with something, resulting in a grunt. I almost got free before I was slammed onto the floor again.

“Calm the fuck down and stop moving!” Bert slapped me. “Why weren’t you in school?”

“I overslept and then just didn’t end up going.”  
“And why didn’t you tell me?”

“I-I didn’t think about it.”  
“Yeah, I can tell. You never think about anythin.”

“Can you please let me up?” My wrists were starting to hurt.

“Why should I?”

“Because I’m sorry. And I love you?” I added hopefully. He let me get up.

“Love you too. I just came over to check on you. I wanted to make sure you were feeling alright.”

“That’s really sweet of you. Thanks.” I hugged him, and he pulled me close. 

“I take care of what’s mine. And you’re mine.” He was being so loving right now, and I wanted this moment to last forever. “But since you’re okay, I should probably go.”  
“Please don’t leave.” I clung to him a little harder. 

“I gotta, baby.” He pulled away. “Love you.”

“Love you too.” He left, and I went back into the kitchen. It was a mess. I made some slight efforts to clean up, but gave in after a little while. I would just save it for later. I checked on my mom. She was sleeping, so I left a cup of water on the bedside table. I had to take of care of who’s mine. 

Back downstairs, I tried to wash some dishes, but I was really antsy. I finished the dish I was on, then grabbed my coat and headed outside. It was getting dark, but the cool air felt angelic. The park wasn’t far away, so I walked there. The playground seemed a lot smaller than when I was younger, but I sat in one of the swings anyway. Some of the people on the playground were giving me odd looks, the worst coming from one of the moms. I got up and headed deeper into the park. I found a bench underneath a tree and sat down there. No one could begrudge me a spot on a bench so I plugged my earbuds in and zoned out.

Someone sat next to me, but I ignored them, even though I could feel them looking at me. I closed my eyes. They tapped my shoulder, and I jerked. It was Frank. I glared at him, he just looked sadly back.

“What do you want?” I hissed. His hand moved from my shoulder to my cheek, gently pressing on a bruise I forgot I even had.

“What happened to you, Gerard? You used to be so happy.”

“You don’t think I’m happy now?”

“Even _you_ don’t think you’re happy.”  
“Bert loves me, and I love him.” My voice broke. “He’s the only one who cares about me.”

“I care about you.”

“You do?” He nodded. Then he leaned in and kissed me. I stiffened, scared, but more scared to try and escape. I didn’t move. I had learned to not protest, to not fight back. But unlike Bert, he pulled away.

“I’m so sorry. I really shouldn’t have done that.” He looked so sad.

“You really shouldn’t have.” We both turned, and Bert was standing there with murder in his eyes. I had never seen him so furious. “Gerard, you’re going to go back to your house and I will handle you later. I have to deal with him first.”

“Please don’t hurt him,” Frank and I said at the same time.

“Gerard,” Bert said with a warning. “You are already in so much trouble. You do not want to make me more angry.”

I was ashamed. “Yes, Bert. I love you.”  
“Go.” I gave Frank a guilty look and walked home shamefully. It was my fault. I should’t have made Bert so angry. And now I was going to pay for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You're still here! So thanks for reading an you guys are all my besties because you're the best! Love you all!


	16. Love is Destruction

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all sorry this took so long. I hope everyone's been doing well and thanks for sticking with me! Trigger warnings for violence and abuse and like slight ED thoughts. So be safe, take care, and enjoy?

Bert’s POV

Frank looked scared. Good. He should be scared. I was mad, and I was going to hurt him. 

“You know what? Fuck you. You can’t keep hurting Gerard like that.” I pulled him up by his shirt collar.

“I’m not the one hurting him,” I spat. “You are. You should have left him alone. You’re both going to pay for it.” And he did pay for it. He fought back more than I had expected, but I got him under control quickly. He wasn’t so tough once he was in pain. Just before I finished, I whispered to him, “Your fault. Remember that. It’s your fault.” He groaned, and his eyes flickered shut. Damn. He must’ve passed out. I gave him a kick at his ribs and he didn’t move, so I just left.

Gerard was waiting for me in his bedroom. He was sitting on the edge of his bed, fidgeting, and he jumped when I opened the door.

“Bert! I’m so sorry. I-“

“Shut the fuck up.”  
“But he-“ I strode over to him.

“I don’t care. You _disobeyed_ me.” He looked down and sniffled. I slapped him. “Look at me.” His eyes were watering. “You’re so weak. You’re crying like a baby. You disgust me.” Gerard glanced away but quickly returned to me, his focus just slightly below my right eye, refusing to look directly into my eyes. 

“Please, I’m sorry.”  
“What did I say?” I wrapped my hands around his throat, not quite choking him, but almost. “You don’t get to talk.” I pushed him backwards onto his bed and straddled his body, sitting on his chest. I sighed. “Look, baby. You’re lucky I love you. But if I didn’t love you, I wouldn’t have to punish you. You know you deserve this. You asked for it. You know it’s your fault.” He nodded. “Good. Get up.” I moved off him to let him stand and I unbuckled my belt. “Take off your shirt and lie back down.” He didn’t move. “Do it now or I will _make_ you and neither of us wants that.” My dad used to whip me like this when I was younger but I had never done it to someone else. It took me a little while to find a good speed. And Gerard was doing such a good job. He was barely making any noise, just crying, not screaming. At least in the beginning, and then he started screaming loud enough to wake the dead. Maybe not the dead, but it did wake up Gerard’s mom.

“What are you doing?” she screeched. Fuck. “Get out! Get out of my house!” She tried to pull me away from Gerard but I just shook her off. “Get out or I’m calling the police.” So I left, pushing her on my way out. Gerard was in even more trouble now and he knew it.

I thought that going to Frank’s house was a bad idea, so I went to my old house. The door was bolted shut and I didn’t have my key, so I just sat on the stoop. I had really screwed up this time. God _fucking_ damn it. Why did I always have to ruin everything? 

I scrolled through my phone, looking at pictures I had taken of Gerard. I felt bitter. I wanted to do something to _really_ hurt him, and for a long time. Before I lost my nerve, I posted the pictures online as an ad, with Gerard’s cell phone number. He deserved it.

 

 

Gerard’s POV

I hurt so badly. I was also scared. I knew Bert was going to leave me. He was so mad, and then my mom had to come in. I deserved my punishment and her seeing me like that was just embarrassing. And now he wasn’t going to come back. I was scared of being alone. I was scared of not having Bert. 

I heard my mom at the door and I winced when I rolled over. I had probably gotten blood all over my sheets. Bert had never done that before. Mom was leaning against the door frame, just looking sad. She also looked drunk.

“Why did you let him do that to you?”

“Why do you care?” I asked sullenly. Why did she have to choose _then_ to be the moment she woke up? 

“Because you’re my son. I love you.” I crumpled a little inside. Fuck love. All it’s ever done is screw me over again and again. She sighed. “Alright, Gerard. I’m going to leave you alone but if you need anything, I’m just down the hall.” I didn’t say anything so she just left. And I fell asleep.

My phone woke me up. I checked it and it had blown up with notifications.

**Unknown Number** : Hey, baby, looking good! ;)

**Unknown Number** : You free anytime?

**Unknown Number** : I bet you look even better fucked.

What the hell. I rubbed my eyes but the messages didn’t go away. There were a lot of them, too. I picked the least creepy of the messengers and asked them what was going on. I got a link in return with a “sorry.” I clicked the link and I wanted to throw up. Someone had posted pictures of me and I didn’t know how, I didn’t understand _why_. 

I didn’t want to deal with anything, so I tried to go back to sleep. It didn’t work, so I got out of bed to take a shower. I looked at myself of the mirror. God, I was disgusting. Truly vile. I could see rolls of fat on my stomach and my body was just huge. No wonder Bert didn’t love me. Maybe he’d like me more if I lose weight? I needed to lose just a little more, and then I’d be good. I just needed to be careful with what I eat. And maybe get some exercise. A lot of exercise. I breathed out a sigh. I’d be okay. Bert would love me again. He had to. 

 

Frank’s POV

Getting beat up was rather painful, which was to be expected. Bert knocked me unconscious and by the time I woke up, it was really dark. I limped my way home. The lights were still on, and my mom was in the kitchen, pacing.

“Frank, where were you?” She tried to pull me into a hug, but I flinched. She looked at me and gasped. “What happened?”  
“It’s not a big deal.”  
“It obviously is! Who hurt you?”  
“Mom! It’s not a big deal. Don’t worry about it.” 

“If something’s going on, you know you can talk to me, right?”

“ _Mom._ ” I rolled my eyes. “I’m going upstairs.”

“Fine,” she sighed. “Do you know where Bert is?”

“He’s not home?” 

“No.” I shrugged, because I didn’t know and, by this point, didn’t care. I just wanted to go to bed. I didn’t get a chance to even try to fall asleep because I got a text from Pete. It was a link. I hit it and wished I hadn’t. It must’ve been Bert, but I didn’t understand why he’d post that. He didn’t seem like he’d want to share. It must’ve been even worse for Gee, though. I wanted to text him so badly, but I doubted he’d want to hear from me. But I texted him anyway.

**Frank** : Hey it’s Frank. Are you okay?

**Gerard:** You saw it.

**Frank** : I’m so sorry that happened to you.

**Gerard** : Why would you be? I thought you’d be happy.

**Frank** : What did I do to make you so mad at me?

**Gerard** : Do you think I’m a slut?

**Frank** : No! Of course not.

**Gerard** : So Bert lied to me?

**Frank** : Yes. 

**Gerard** : He wouldn’t do that. He loves me.

**Frank** : Then why would he post the ad online?  
**Gerard** : It wasn’t him.

**Gerard** : Do you think it was him?

**Frank** : Who else could it be?

He left me on read receipts, but I sat there, staring at my screen for maybe an hour, hoping he’d text me back. I shouldn’t have hoped. But at least it was progress. He actually responded to my texts, maybe he wasn’t so mad still. I didn’t want him to be mad at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Love you guys


	17. Tell Your Secrets to the Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my friends. I literally suck as a human being. I never ever update and when I do, it's short. So sorry about that. There aren't any like super triggering actions in this chapter, just some bad thoughts. Anyways, please enjoy and take care!

Gerard’s POV

 

My mom woke me up around four in the morning. Apparently I was “sobbing in my sleep.” She just held me as I cried, though, and didn’t say anything. Eventually, I sat up and tried to dry my tears. It didn’t work very well but my mom passed me the box of tissues.

“Hey, Gee?” she whispered. “I think you should talk to the police, about, umm, you know.”

“You can say his name,” I said bitterly. 

“You can press charges against him. Bert.” She sighed. “That wasn’t the first time he hurt you, was it?” I pulled away.

“You don’t know anything!” I snarled. “He loves me!”

“Gerard. Look at me.” I didn’t want to, but I did, and her gaze was serious. “You do not deserve to be hurt like this. No one does. Will you talk to the police?” I nodded. She seemed kind of angry and that scared me. “Good. I love you, you know that?”

The police were nice, and very helpful. They said that they could get Bert locked away for a very long time, especially if he posted those pictures of me. I was still only 17, legally a minor, and Bert was going to get into a lot of trouble, even more so because he was 18. That scared me, too. I knew that pressing charges was going to destroy his life. He would go to jail, maybe prison, and be a registered sex offender for the rest of his life. Oh god, and it would be all my fault. I couldn’t do that to him. Not after all the times he had helped me, and taken care of me. I didn’t deserve him. 

I started crying, and my mom hugged me, gently rubbing my back. I winced.

“Love, what’s wrong?”

“I can’t do this to him,” I sobbed. “What if it wasn’t him? I’m gonna ruin his life!”

“Oh, honey. You did _not_ ruin his life. He did. He chose to hurt you and now he has to face the consequences.” 

“But what if-“

“Gerard. If it wasn’t him, then there’s no problem, and the police will figure it out. Okay? Stop worrying.” It really wasn’t that easy. Worries didn’t just turn off with a switch when someone tells you to stop. So I kept worrying.

 

**Gerard:** Hey was it you? Who posted the pictures?

 

**Bert:** Yeah

**Bert:** Im sorry

**Bert:** You know I love you

 

I turned off my phone and closed my eyes. I was so fucking done with all of this. I just wanted to sleep, and hopefully never wake up. 

 

 

Pete’s POV

 

I woke up with one sock on and not much else. And I wasn’t in my bed. I sat up groggily.

“Morning.” Patrick was sitting in a chair by the bed, dressed with a cup of coffee. He looked pissed.

“What happened last night?” I groaned. I had a killer headache, and my back popped when I stretched. 

“You got blackout drunk and almost forced me to have sex with you.” He took a deep breath. “What the fuck were you thinking?”

“I-I don’t remember. I guess I was just lonely.”

“Yeah, well, the next time you’re ‘lonely’ like that, _leave me out of it_. I think you should go home.”

“Patrick-“

“Go home, Pete.”

“Fine. I’m sorry.” The bus home was horrible. At least my thoughts were. I knew that I had probably just ruined some of the last relationships I had. Frank had seemed pissed earlier, but Patrick, he seemed _disappointed_ in me. Like I had failed his expectations of me and hurt him at the same time. I was ashamed of myself. 

 

 

Frank’s POV

 

Gerard wasn’t at school the next day, nor the day after. He finally showed up on Friday, all hunched shoulders and shaking hands. My heart hurt for him. He looked bare without Bert, who hadn’t been at school the whole time. I didn’t know where he was, and I quite frankly didn’t care. As far as I knew, he’d dropped off the face of the earth, and if so, good riddance. He was truly a piece of shit. It was just so hard seeing Gee lost. He was a shadow that was just gliding through, borderline breakdown in his eyes. I wanted to give him a hug. He wouldn’t want that. I did the next best thing, though, which was send Pete to go talk to Gee. Which he did reluctantly.

Pete owed me, so he was willing to do a few favors. And I personally thought that talking to a miserable Gerard was much better than having to third-wheel with a drunk Pete and a grumpy nurse. He definitely got the better end of the deal. It worked out okay, though, because Pete guided Gerard over to our lunch table. Gee sat down gingerly, stiffly, looking like he was ready to run if he needed to. He didn’t say anything; he just sat there. He didn’t even look up, absentmindedly tracing designs on the table with his fingertip.

“Gerard?” I whispered. His eyes flashed up, then back down to the table. “Are you okay?” A gentle shake of his head said no. “Can I do anything?”

“Please leave me alone,” he muttered.

“Okay. I can do that. I’m just here for you, yeah?”

I barely caught his whisper of, “That’s what he said.”

“I’m not him.” I’d never seen Gerard glare so harshly before. “I’m not gonna hurt you.” He hoisted his backpack up, and stalked away, leaving his empty tray behind. He hadn’t even gotten any food to eat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm gonna try to actually finish this sometime soon. I'm also gonna go over some of my old writing because I looked back on it, and jesus christ I was cringy as fuck.  
> On a side note, school really absolutely and truly sucks. So that's my announcement of the day.   
> Kudos/comments if you want, I'll love you even if you don't comment. You guys are my buddies. Thanks!

**Author's Note:**

> I don't quite know the ending, so I'm open to suggestions if anyone has them. Thanks for reading and I love you all!


End file.
